N.B.A. & N.F.L. Players

Once a year, the Tax Fairy comes to homes across the nation.  Folks stalk their mailbox from the moment the calendar points to Jan.1, in hopes that their "freedom papers" W-2s have arrived.  All the parents sleep nestled in bed, while visions of dependent kids dance in their head.  Some have already spent the money in their mind.  It's gone before the CPA can press enter to submit their files.  Nike, Gucci and Hennesy company execs are equally as excited.  They fall asleep to the sound of their quarterly profits skyrocketing.  The numbers are almost moving as one solid line because the money is coming in so fast.

Facebook and Instagram are both flooded with pictures of people showing off what Uncle Sam gave them.  Rims, shoes, weaves, nails, outfits.  Just racks on racks on racks of crisp dollar bills on display for all to see.  Aaaah, yes, it's tax season ya'll!  Get it while it's hot!

But what these N.B.A. (not balling actually) and N.F.L. (not for long) players fail to realize is that they really aren't stunting at all.  And don't get me wrong, PLEASE understand that I was drafted into the N.B.A. & N.F.L. at a young age.  At 20, I realized just how "lucrative" it was to have my first tax write off  child and we were dressed to the nines from February to April.  Living in my mom's house, with a fresh weave, nails done, and my car was clean.  It took a few seasons for me to get my mind right.  And I am actually still working on my game.  Because while I may not be looking in the windows of the gucci store anymore during this time, my tail is flying to Lowes or HomeGoods for mess I don't even need.  I mean even IKEA is a playground to me!  How many Ivergakamp storage sets do I need?!?

I'm a work in progress.  I changed my exemptions two years ago.  So my "balling" was minimized greatly, and I started putting more money in my savings.  

Check out this great post on the blog Girls Just Wanna Have Funds.  http://www.girlsjustwannahavefunds.com/before-you-spend-that-tax-refund-check/

The whole blog is a great financial tool for everyone (not just women).  I've tried to incorporate some of what I learned from the posts into my own finances.  Again, I'm a work in progress.  

So call son-son, and tell him to put down the paint....

Call the shop, tell him..... "hold the pickles"

You aint bout that life anymore.  This message is universal.  Don't get stuck on the pictures.  ALL RACES are guilty of this "tax fraud".  I'm just here to shed a little light.  We can all learn something from this PSA.  

Yall keep it up and you'll be playing for the N.H.L. (national homeless league)!!  

What crazy item have you purchased with tax money?!  Leave a comment below.  :-)

Later!

~EITB

Rhymes With Grape

I want to preface this post by saying that I write posts when the spirit moves me.  My posts are sporadic and my blog has no real direction.  They are just random thoughts that I write out.  Some posts may be all Angela Davis in your face type posts, while others are Pauly Shore/Adam Sandler-esque.  Thoughts rattle in my head all the time and the only way to make them go bye bye is to put them on "paper".  I was encouraged by my sister/friend, Nae,  to blog (moreso about my mother escapades) so this is why I share these thoughts with you.  Enjoy!

Put Molly all in her champagne, she ain’t even know it

I took her home and I enjoyed that, she ain't even know it

mol·ly  

/ˈmälē/

Pure form of MDMA (ecstasy), usually a free powder or in capsules. Oftentimes MDA is sold as molly. Should be white in color (when it's pure) but is more often beige or yellow-brown, and sometimes brown or rarely gray.   A side effect of this drug is sweating more than usual.

I contemplated whether or not I was going to write a post discussing Rick Ross's recent controversial rap lyrics in his new song UOENO (don't ask me what that means).  I was going to discuss the backlash CO Ross has received about the lyrics.  I was going to mention how women and men were trying to grapple with the fact that Rawse basically promoted slipping a drug into a woman's drink and then having sex with her, unbeknownst to her.  But you guys already did that for me.  You guys posted FB threads, you ranted on radio stations, left comments under numerous gossip sites, to show your dislike for the negro Stay Puft marshmallow man's outlandish and offensive lyrics.

Job well done?  I don't know.  Rick Ross came out with a sorry ass apology a few days ago, to explain to us that he wasn't talking about rape, we misunderstood him.  Duh!!  He was talking about when you give someone a drug, but you just don't tell them (that would ruin the surprise), then when she is incoherent and unresponsive you ask "do you mind if I take you upstairs, you look tired".  Then you remove her clothing, because clearly she is sweating, you figured, that since she is naked you'll make sure her vajayjay is working by performing a physical exam with your penis. I mean when she wakes up, if she doesn't give you a standing ovation for being such an upstanding citizen then she MUST be craycray.

Was that too harsh?  Did I go too far with my description?  Did I offend you?  Cool.  Now if you aren't equally offended by Koko's  lame apology then please click the small X in the upper right hand corner of your screen now.  His attempt at setting "all the sexy ladies" straight, was lame, unapologetic, offensive and a waist of air time.  He boasts that he didn't use the term rape, so basically why are we tripping.   But I guarantee if I asked him if he wanted two pieces of bread, mayo, ham, turkey, cheese, lettuce and a tomato slice, but gave him a salad instead, he would be crying foul too!!  Demanding where his sammich was.  But Rawse, I didn't say sandwich, so why are you tripping?

I'm not going to really get into the celebrities and role model issue either. I don't have it in me and I have my own kinks to work out with the way I raise my daughters before I start schooling folks on their parenting skills.  But parents, yall are not excused.  Please miss me with the "he is setting a bad example for the young kids out here".   He better not be setting ANY type of example for your child except maybe what not to eat.  Rick didn't sign up to be your child's ABC After School special.  I don't want to hear any of the "I was blinded by Rick Ross's shiny DVD sized areola's and didn't realize what my kids were actually watching or listening to".   Nerp, not gonna work.   "Artists" have been pushing the envelope since the beginning of time.  I guess we won't really call action to anything until these fools are actually committing the crime in the video...."Damn, did MC NahMeen really just murder that midget in his video?".  Radios will still have "stop the violence" rallies, yet play Chief Keef in the same hour.
  
See, "that's that sh*t I don't like"

Interesting enough, I found this link : 8 romantic songs you didnt know were about rape while googling this Rick Ross mess.  I SWEAR whenever I hear "Baby It's Cold Outside" I think he is talking about slipping something in her drink and forcing her to stay over, and not tell anyone"!!  Am I the only one?  I digress....

The videos below show that some parents still don't get it.

Please share and comment as you feel fit.  Am I tripping?

THIS BAMMA HERE! Woooo!

~EITB

Honey Nut GMO's

There has been a lot of buzz in the news recently regarding marriage equality for same sex couples.  And while I believe the landmark decisions made out of this very high profile case will have a tremendous impact in our history, there was something else going on right in front of our faces. 

President Obama signed H.R. 933. 

  

*clears throat* I was the blue bubble.  Well not really, but I had no clue what the Monsanto Protection Act was, and I didn't know that it happened until folks on my FB timeline were discussing it.  The bill was introduced to the House on March 4th, and even with a petition with over 250,000 signatures demanding more research on the effects of GMO,  it was made into law on the 26th of March.  

Read More About The Act

http://rt.com/usa/monsanto-bill-blunt-agriculture-006/

I try my best to protect my kids and husband from the "evils" of processed food, and when I heard of GMO's a while back, I tried to stay clear of that as well, but the truth of the matter is, I didn't know how to effectively protect myself from the GMO monster.  I had no clue where exactly he was hiding.  I wasn't sure if he was a brightly colored, tap dancing monster, or if he was like a creepy ghost.  Came to find out GMO is a little of both.

You can't protect yourself from things you don't know exist.  So now I am back to the drawing board, ensuring that the majority of what we eat is organic and GMO-free.  I give major props to my girl, Tanya, who is really trying to start a revolution.  Because it's easy for me to switch and buy the good stuff so easily, but for those in poorer neighborhoods where those options aren't easily attainable, it's extremely hard.  Tanya recognizes that, she understands it because she is living testimony of the food inequality going on in her own community.  A pack of hotdogs cost 99cents, but a piece of lean organic chicken can run you $8.00. It's not fair, it's not right, and it shouldn't be tolerated.  Tanya is doing something about it....she's not just talking the talk, my girl is walking the walk too!! Support her efforts and possibly be inspired to not only donate to her cause, but to also duplicate her efforts in other communities.

Support the Veggie Mobile Market

http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-veggie-mobile-market

My kids and I are starting a veggie garden in the back.  Now I have a certified black thumb when it comes to horticulture.  I've tried everything.  My mother in law on the other hand can take the corn kernel stuck in the back of your tooth, plant that joker and have a full garden by the end of the harvesting season.  I am pretty sure that if my garden flourishes the way I want it to, that I will have more than my share of produce, and I will commit to selling or donating to those that find it hard to obtain in their community.  

I'll post pictures of my garden.  If the pics suddenly stop, that means I wanted to spare you countless pictures of dirt (because my crops didn't grow).

Please share this post with others.  Not for me, but to share the efforts of Tanya!!  And thanks to those on my timeline who keep me in the loop.  I don't claim to know it all, but I am grateful for the folks I surround myself around who push this knowledge in my face.  

Check out this video:  

~EITB  

Crazy, right?

Have you ever had a moment in time where everything seems to be happening at once?  Or you feel extremely happy and completely annoyed at the same damn time?  Gotten to the point where you just wanted to SCREAM?   I think I was there yesterday, and apparently this was an overnight trip, because I still feel like I am there.  

I found out yesterday morning that my application for graduation was approved.  HELLS JEAHHH!  I feel like I have been in college for ever.  It took me 6 years to get my undergraduate degree because of two unplanned (but very much loved and welcomed) pregnancies.  

Then I tried to be billy bad azz and start grad school 2 months after my 2nd child was born.  

  I was sooo amped.  I just knew I would be finished graduate degree in no time.  

Welp.....here we are 8 years later.  Yea, my plans didn't go the way I had hoped.  There were jobs, moves, a marriage and baby #3 that kind of "got in the way".  But I did it!! 

So that was the happy of yesterday.  But then the not so happy happened when the new chick at my job, came to my desk without a "good morning", "hello" or even "aye you" and invaded my personal space to look at my phone set up.  Well the IT guy she brought with her really invaded my space.  It all happened so fast, and I was screaming "what the hell are you doing" to the tech guy while I was explaining how rude the new girl was being.  Her response to not saying hi to me was "Well you looked busy and I didn't want to bother you".  SAY WHAT NOW!?!? 

I gave her the most confused/evil glare I could conjure up and as she flew out of my cubicle, I walked my tail to a coworkers desk.   I KNOW how I can be, and God has been working with me to control my temper.  Cray Cray Crystal would have kirked out on her.  Gone apeshyt, and well I really love my job, and I don't need that reputation.  

I know! I know! You are probably saying "I would have said this" or "I would have done that", but sometimes, things happen so fast that I can't think of quirky or sassy remarks to put her in her place and still save my face.  I'm a work in progress. I am definitely a "damn, I should have said...." kind of person.  But the new girl is now on strike 2, she has one more strike before her and I have to have a civil one on one discussion.  

 

So here I was at a crossroad in my emotions.  LOL! I was happy about the graduation, but at that brief moment I let that rude girl steal my joy and anger me.  I gave her too much power!!  But I eventually remembered a poem I wrote years ago, that always made me happy.  I hope you enjoy it.  I don't showcase my creativity all that often.  Please feel free to leave a comment, and use my poem to inspire others.

Stop Stressing, Acquire Jubilation 

Cause when you worry 

Your face will frown 
And that will bring everybody down 
So don't worry, be happy (now)..... 

Listen to what I say 
In your life expect some trouble 
But when you worry 
You make it double 
Don't worry, be happy...... 
Don't worry don't do it, be happy 

Ok, Ok Ok!!!! So maybe this wasn't so much a poem created by me, but moreso me copying & pasting the words to Bobby McFerrin's hit song "Don't Worry, Be Happy"....but I bet it made you smile!!  It made me smile writing it.  And on that note, I am finally waving my last goodbyes to Angryville.  

Awww shux! Dammit!!! Why didn't you guys have me check my ticket before I boarded this train, it clearly says the next stop is UGGHHHH Town, the city formally known as PMSboro.

Catch you all later, I need to run and stock up on Chocolate & practice my side eye.

EITB

Who Gon' Check Me?

This poem goes out to all my hustlers, pimps and players just trying to make it out here in this cold cold world.  Bwaahahhaah, naw for real, this is just my Ode to Autocorrect (aka stupid autocorrect).  I am tired of the stupid autocorrect changing the words I type into something obscene, irrelevant or just plain dumb.  If I type the letter u instead of you, DONT CHANGE THAT ish to I.  I didn't mean I.  How big do you think my fingers are?  Even when I tried every setting in the world on my phone to put this heaux in its place, it still comes around to haunt my every word.  

Who Gon' Check Me Boo?

When I told my friend 

"Let's meet for sinus"

When u put in Mobius, 

WHEN I KNOW I wrote minus

Who Gon Check Me Boo?

On FB I said

I was excited about a party

But you changed it to p*ssy

And now I look naughty

Who Gon Check Me Boo?

I've added dumb words

Like likka, nucca, & bish

And yet you still want to change

the word Farrah to fish

Who Gon Check Me Boo?

Autocorrect, Kiss Yo Self

Ugh, NO, KILL YO SELF, not Kiss!?! Stupid AutoCorrect!

Gotta run!  I hear crying...... but look below for some really funny autocorrect shots.  :-)  And feel free to leave a comment! 

~EITB

   

Oh Behave.....

Thursday, we took the kids to see the pre-screening of the new Mindless Behavior (the negroes pictured above) "documentary".  The movie started at 5p, but since we knew how much of a cult following fan base these ninjas have, we arrived around 2:30p.  Yes, 2.5 hours early, and we were about 15th in line.  Glad to see there are mothers more trifling than me, that took their girls out of school early to bring them to something so significant and historical as a Mindless Behavior "documentary".  Meh, judge me if you want, but when your done judging, please kick rocks with open toe shoes on.  

What?  And IF you insist on scratching your head to the white meat, trying to understand why I took the kids out of school early for this....well since you asked, my daughter has had tons of medical issues this year, including a week long stay in the hospital.  So I decided that to change the mood a bit, instead of another neurology and pulmonologist appointment, we'd go to the movies.  I mean I didn't have to explain myself, but I just wanted to let the people know.  

So back to the event.  We stood in one line for about 45 mins before we were instructed to walk to the theater and pick our seats to watch the movie, then return to a different line for a meet & greet with the singers from the group.   Our options were limited with the seating.  We couldn't sit in the RESERVED sections (which was damn near every seat).  Our options were either all the way in the back where I am sure the group would look like tiny figurines, or wayyyy up close enough to see the nostril hairs of each group member.  I did what any red blooded American would do, and found a happy medium in the handicap section.  

We ran back out to the meet & greet area and waited.  And waited.  And waited.  As we waited for what seemed like an eternity, the line behind us grew and grew.  I don't even know where it ended, and honestly didn't care because we were all the way up front.  The girls in the crowd started to sing Mindless Behavior songs as they waited.   And that's when I realized how much "non mainstream" my girls and my god child really were.  They only knew 2 songs!! Me and my friend's unapologetic listening of pop music, gospel music and slow jams of the 90s in the car had a huge impact on them knowing all the "cool" songs. D'ah well!!  

Slowly, more "important" personnel came up to the front, I guess to look official.  Then two body guards came out and you would have thought Jesus Christ himself came into the room (not sure if they would have even showed Him that much love....*sigh*).  The screaming was that of panic, uncertainty and desperation all balled up into one loud octave.  If I had the choice to relive the moments of those girls screaming or listen to Aaron Neville sing Ashanti's "greatest" hits on repeat, I'd GLADLY listen to Aaron.  When the group (only 2 showed up) finally did come out, it was pure pandemonium.  Girls were crying, wetting their pants, and speaking in tongues at the same damn time.  They lost their mind. 

My middle daughter had the highest pitched scream ever!! It was so high that Pocahontas  RayRay stopped autographing posters just to look up at her in disbelief.  That's my girl! ha!  So the girls got their pics with the dude that looks like a female and the dude that looks like he's 35.  Their world was now complete.  I was happy to have that over and done with.  I'm good to go home now.  I mean it's 6pm.  I'm hungry and my feet hurt.....huh, wait what?  I gotta stay and watch the movie?!  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!  Take meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

So yea, there was the movie we still had to watch.  I don't even have the brain cells to give a detailed recollection of that experience.  So here are the highlights:

• 1 hour showing childhood of each member.  I'm happy they were able to think so far back. How were they able to recall the last 10 -12 years on earth with such clarity.
• Every 25 mins there was a lesson for the viewers to learn: Be nice to kids with deformities.  Visit Michael Jackson's childhood home for weird sentimental connections.  Love your mommy. 
• These boys parents were wayyyyy to trusting to leave their babies with these grown men to pursue a music dream that was not even theirs.  <--- that's another discussion!

So after the movie finished and I wiped the blood from my eyeballs, I damn near screamed for the girls to get the heck up and move out.

I mean, it was an experience (an experience I will NEVER have again) and I am glad that the girls enjoyed themselves.  I want to send a HUGE thank you to my dear friend who made this all possible.  +Nae Carter (http://www.ichoosethesun.com) Thanks sis!! The kids would have never had this moment without you.

Well that's my cue, I see someone is playing in my make up.......