Week 7

I'z tired boss!  I have been sooooooooooo sleepy! I feel bad, because I know the kids are wondering what the heck is going on.  I've been laying in the bed as soon as I get thru cooking dinner.  The other day Amari had slices of lunch meat and juice for dinner.  (don't judge me)  I just couldn't do it.  That on top of being on a saltine and water diet because I can't stomach to each much else, is just wiping me out.
I need energy.
Then I was getting bad heartburn, so I bought rolaids (liquid).  Then I was super constipated so I got some Metamucil.  But that gave me gas (I think I over did it), so I had to buy gas X.  It's a vicious cycle.  I backed off the Metamucil.  I've been taking my prenatal vitamins, and lucky me they have a stool softener as an added bonus.  Whoop Whoop!
I'm also on 4000 iu of Vitamin D because my levels were super low.  19.  The normal range is 32-100.
I'm going to go to the high school track tomorrow morning and do some brisk walking.  I need to get my energy levels up and I think laying in the bed is just making it worse.

Only 33 more weeks!  HA!

Pregnancy Links

Week 5

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-5.html

Week 6

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-6.html

Week 7

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-7.html

Week 8 & 9

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/08/week-8-9.html

Week 10

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/08/week-10.html

Week 11 & 12

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/09/week-11-12.html

Week 14

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/12/week-14-results-are-in.html

Week 5

Constipated. Insomnia. Swollen boobs.  I'm already annoyed. Lol. I haven't had morning sickness yet, but if my previous pregnancies are any precursor, I'm definitely in for a doozy.
I went for my first appointment yesterday. I decided to use the same doctor that delivered my last two.  Since she didn't have an appointment when I wanted it, I settled with anyone in the Office that had an opening.  It was a guy, which is fine but I forgot how much bigger men's hands are than women's.  That exam was no joke.  I have a tilted uterus, so it makes my exams that much uncomfortable.  The doctor mentioned that my uterus was big for how far along I was. He said it could mean multiples. I told him he was a lie.
I got some blood drawn and then was told that my age puts me in the high risk category. *how rude* so I'll have to get some special sonogram at 11weeks.  Next week I'll have my first sono. I'll finally get to meet my sesame seed.

Pregnancy Links

Week 5

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-5.html

Week 6

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-6.html

Week 7

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-7.html

Week 8 & 9

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/08/week-8-9.html

Week 10

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/08/week-10.html

Week 11 & 12

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/09/week-11-12.html

Week 14

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/12/week-14-results-are-in.html

Cold Turkey

With the holidays upon us, mostly everyone is looking to meeting up with family and sharing quality time with one another.  This time of year is one of my favorites.  My birthday month (May) being number 1.

My mother jokes with me every year, because I am always super excited about gathering with family. Growing up, it was just my mother, brother and I.  When my aunt moved to MD from Brooklyn, NY, she would have large family gatherings over the holidays.  It was everything I always wanted.  Cousins acting up, aunts in the kitchen and uncles playing cards or watching the game.  Then things changed after she passed away from cancer.

While my fathers side of the family is extremely large, they are in Philly and Florida, so driving out so far wasn't really what I like to do over the holiday.  Then I met my husband who has a very large family, and I was back in my peaceful place.  Surrounded by loved ones, and including my own family in their gatherings was the icing on the cake.

This year, I completely flipped the script.  I chose to be alone over the Thanksgiving holiday.  I wanted no parts of driving to anyone's house, and eating with a bunch of family.  It wasn't a hard decision to make, just a hard decision to express to my loved ones without them taking it personal.  I've been going through some things personally, and I'm also pregnant (read about the first few weeks here).  Maybe it was my hormones and emotions clashing at once, but whatever it was, I felt convicted to abide by my thoughts.

I shared my plans with a few close friends who were actually jealous of the idea that I had my own "Me Day" ON A MAJOR HOLIDAY!  When I told my mom, she was excited.  I invited her to dinner with me, and we searched for restaurants.  My husband didn't say much and my kids didn't even care.  When they go to see their cousins, I'm never a factor once they walk thru the door unless they need me to make them a plate of food.  My oldest did seem a little jelly and said she wanted to come with me, but I nixed that really fast.

I ended up making reservations for the buffet at Sequoia's restaurant in Georgetown (Washington, DC).  The buffet was AHHH-MAZING!  Our waitress was so sweet, and the place was kind of packed.  I don't know why I assumed there would either be a bunch of tables of 1, or a bunch of single sex tables filling the restaurant.  [shame on me for thinking that]   The place had tons of people, from parties of 2 to parties of 12.

My boo thang...my mama!


Some of the food!  These pictures don't do the buffet any justice.  There was way more than pictured.




Did I walk into something that may have altered my Thanksgiving plans for years to come?  NO more worrying about what I am going to bring?  Or who's hosting what?   Possibly.  I'll have to ponder that as possibly an every other year tradition.

So after an awesome dinner, it was time to go where all the magic happens... my hotel room.  It took me a good 3 days to decide on a hotel, and I finally found one using my Expedia mobile app, that gave me a $20 off coupon code, off the already reduced hotel rate.  It was a definite win win for me.

I stayed at The Melrose Georgetown Hotel.  The hotel stood out from the other buildings adjoined to it.  I was immediately impressed when I parked (on the street because valet was $48!!!).  Since it was a holiday street parking was free.  I walked up and the doorman was soooo pleasant and welcomed me in.  When you first walk in, there is a quaint bar to the left, and a seating/food area to the right.   Nothing fancy, but very modern and simplistic.  I loved it.  Walking down the hallway, past a lovely spiral staircase, I was then greeted by the concierge.  To the left was a beautiful lobby/waiting area.  The pictures don't really do this hotel justice.  Every one was just soooooo nice and friendly.  I did notice that most of the staff (from the doorman to the manager)  appeared to be originally from some country in Africa.  There deep chocolate skin hue and accents gave me that impression.  This just made me smile even harder.  It just felt like I was coming to stay with family, that just so happened to live in a hotel! LOL. Not sure if the staff is indicative of the ownership of the property, but it was definitely a pleasant surprise.  They offered to carry my bag upstairs, and I refused!  I only had a small bag since I was only there for 1 night.

The elevators were probably the smallest things in the hotel.  It was actually weird how small they were.  That's probably why they asked to carry my bag.  They were afraid I wouldn't fit with my purse, let alone a small overnight bag.

The rooms were a decent size and I loved the little chaise in the corner by the window.  The bed was sooo comfy that I almost dozed off as soon as my head hit the pillow.  I was content.  There was no noticeable hallway noise.  I couldn't hear the street traffic.  It was really nice.

I dozed off about 10:30p and woke up at 3am STARVING!!!!!!  Damn it!! The only downfall of this whole plan was not having a fridge to run down to and grab a piece of turkey and ham!!   DAMN YOU HUNGERRRRRRRRR!  I tried to fight it off.  I was also dying of thirst, and I refused to drink the DC tap water from the sink  (#JudgeYourMother) and their bottled water was like $4 from the mini bar.  So since this baby of mine was NOT letting me go to sleep unless I ate, and I confirmed with the front desk that they didn't have a vending machine, I got up. I dressed and googled the closest 24hour convenience store.  I found a Walgreen's a stone's throw away and drove over there. Unfortunately, there wasn't any parking near the store due to all the "Do Not Park" signs, so I chanced it and parked RIGHT IN FRONT of the store.  I don't know if it was the hunger or pregnancy, but I got an ice cream sandwich, some OJ, a bag of dried cranberries and some Cheez Its.  I crushed the ice cream sandwich in the car, and snacked on the other stuff in the room.  I tried to fall asleep but Lean on Me was on, and my brain was fixated on Crazy Joe.

I eventually did fall asleep.  I  woke up and left the hotel around 10:00am.   Again, it was an awesome stay and besides the tiny elevators and crazy expensive mini-bar & parking, I'd DEFINITELY recommend this hotel to anyone in the area.



So, am I happy with my choice to sit Thanksgiving out this year.  Ya Damn Skippy!  Did I miss my family?  Yasssssssssss!   But I have slowly, but surely begun to realize that I need to take time out for myself.  With my 4th baby on the way, that time is going to get smaller and smaller.  I won't always be able to get to a hotel, but I've been learning to take out at least one day ever other month to just DO ME outside of the house.  I've started taking myself out to lunch.  Window shopping. I even hit up some of the casinos in the area. I'm loving this freedom and STRONGLY encourage mom's and dad's to do the same!  Don't let these kids fool you into thinking that all your time needs to be devoted to them!

Week 14: The Results Are In!

It's a she.  She. S.H.E.   G.I.R. L.

Yes, I cried when they told me. I was sad briefly and I mourned the loss of the boy I will most likely never have.   4 GIRLS!!!

I don't even care if you judge my reaction. I swear I don't.  I don't want to hear about it.

But within, hours after finding out it was a girl, I was actually happy.  I changed my tune.  I started immediately looking at dresses and outfits, and hair bows.  I looked at names, etc.

I'm genuinely happy to be having my baby girl in March!!

Fast forward to Week 25 (pics below)

It's been about 11 weeks since my last post.  Life has been busy!! I don't even care to elaborate.  I'm still over joyed to be having my 4th baby girl.  My family is happy, and they are already talking to her.  I've started to get annoyed at people that laugh or pat my back when I say I am having another girl.  Don't do that to me.  I can do that to me, because it's my experience, but don't rain on my parade.  If I am not crying when I say I am having another girl, then you should be equally excited.

And I don't want anyone else touching my stomach.  My belly button is poking out, so it's sensitive as all get up.  My stomach is 1/2 way queasy, and 1/2 way OK on a day to day basis.  One wrong move and it's curtains.  I forgot how many questions you get when you're pregnant.  And of course, I am not mad at people, it's just a lot.

There have been a few comments about how I'm "keeping it together" from men.  I guess they are implying that since I am pregnant I should look like Shamu.  And yes, I am certain they were talking about my weight because of the discussions that ensued afterward regarding how woman let themselves go, blah blah blah.

I swear the day they make it possible for a man to forcibly squeeze a watermelon out their penises, I am gonna be FRONT and CENTER like this!  I am HERE for it.

  

Here are some updated pics over the last few weeks.  I go for another ultrasound in 3 weeks. Excited to see her witty bitty face.  

Yes, I painted my belly as a pumpkin.  - Halloween in Miami

Pregnancy Links

Week 5

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-5.html

Week 6

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-6.html

Week 7

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-7.html

Week 8 & 9

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/08/week-8-9.html

Week 10

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/08/week-10.html

Week 11 & 12

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/09/week-11-12.html

Week 14

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/12/week-14-results-are-in.html

Oh Snap! Your Pants Are On Fire!!

Lie: a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a 
falsehood.

We have all lied.  We have all been lied to.  Unless you are a newborn infant, I can make such a general statement and be sure it applies to damn near everyone reading this.  If you feel you don't belong in this category, then you my dear are a liar.  

Liars don't wake up and say *Yawn* "Today is a good day to lie".   It's just like second nature to them.  Now all liars aren't created equal, but then they kinda are.  I know that didn't make the most sense, but try to see where I am going with this.

Some people lie to save their ass in a quick pinch.  Some lie to make others feel good.  Some lie to make themselves feel good.  Some lie just to see how far they can get away with the lie.  The commonality is that the reason they lie is all about them, and never about the person they are lying to. They are selfish.  

Liars are cowards.  Whether they are being a coward because they don't want their boss to write them up for being late.  Or they are being too cowardice to be honest with a friend that her new hairstyle makes her look more like a balding chihuahua and less like Amber Rose.  And to be fair, we've ALL been cowards in one way or another.

So am I saying we're all a big bunch of cowardly liars?  Not exactly.  But you said that we all have lied, and then said liars are cowards, so YOU ARE calling us all cowardly liars! 
Fine!  Yes.  We are all cowardly liars.  But there are still different levels to this shit.  There are certain liars that you may raise an eyebrow to, but it won't completely destroy your relationship with them.  Like a child who lied about using all of your expensive eye shadow for their recent drawing because it's "shimmery".  I suppose we are just to ignore the fact that your fingers are COVERED in the stuff.  But you address it, you explain the consequences of lying and you forgive.  Moving on.  

Now most kids (A) will say, well I don't want to disappoint mommy like that again, so maybe I really shouldn't lie.  There are other kids (B) that say, well I don't want to disappoint mommy like that again, so maybe I should be a better liar.  Now realistically, we know for the most part kid A is going to lie again.  But kid B is not only going to lie, but they are also going to sit and think about how elaborate the lie will be.   

When we move on to adulthood, liars become more selfish.  They don't want to deal with reality, so it's easier to just lie.  And then the ones that lie, just to lie are annoying, but at least they are constant.  You know that they are always lying so you tend not to believe a word of what they say, but it's OK. You still love them.  They aren't usually a mate or child.  They are like a cousin, or that one friend you know "ain't never met Rev. Martin Luther the Kang".

Wow!! There are so many different types of liars! So should we be suspect of everyone.

Nope. I always give people a clean slate. I never want to automatically assume the person I am interacting with is a liar.  That's not fair.  But I am weary of someone I meet that lies over little things, and it doesn't see like it was necessary.  In my mind, I'm like FOR WHY?

But what about someone closer to you that lies to save their ass and will look you in your face and try to convince you that you are certified C-R-A-Z-Y.  Those are the scariest of them all.  They actually begin to believe their own lie.  They can't keep up with their lies, and when you bring up those past lies, they look bewildered.  And claim you are "bringing up old shyt".  But that "old shyt" happened like last week.  Those liars really make my skin crawl.  I honestly look at those kinds of liars like "who the f*ck do you think you are that you don't owe me the truth".  Then they get mad that you don't "trust them".  They can't imagine the tables being turned, so they just don't get it.  This can be a spouse, parent or older child.   It can be a lot of people that are close to you.

Can you ever trust a liar?  From my point of view, I can only trust that they are probably going to lie again.  But that doesn't mean that I want purity verification of everything they say. I'm not going to run outside to feel the rain on my skin before I believe their statement that "it's raining outside".  That's just too much trouble.  So, I've learned to trust them with things that won't harm me emotionally or physically.  I'm not trusting this person with my deepest secrets.  I can't trust them with my heart.   I can't trust that they won't even lie on me, or have my back.  

I have a confession.  I'm a liar.  But if it's something that I know may hurt you, I just can't lie about it.  I can't look a person in the face, who is crying, and just lie. It takes a special kind of person to do that.  That's the type of person that you almost feel sorry for, because they'll never have a real relationship where someone entrusts them with their heart, once their deceitful ways are revealed. I actually hate lying  and I'm no good at it.  I learned years ago it was just MUCH easier to tell the truth up front.  People will actually TRUST you if you are just open and honest.  They'll give you another chance.  

I have been to the point at various stages in my life, where I said that I was going to lie to that person, so they would know how it felt.  But I always forgot to lie!  See, it's just not in my DNA.  You should see me trying to work on my story, running it over in my head.  Have too many damn details that no one ever asked for.  "Yea I was with Ruth.  Her hair was straight that day.  I remember I wore a blazer and sparkly heels, and the lady at the store told me she liked them"  But I only asked if you took the video back to RedBox last night.

Have you ever trusted a liar that's hurt you in the past?  Was your relationship ever the same?  Do you still hold some things back, or verify some things they say every once in while because  you don't want to be hurt again?  Again this applies to a parent, spouse, older child, best friend,etc.   

Side Note: One of my favorite movies is Liar! Liar! with Jim Carrey.  LOL! Go figure!!

Week 11& 12

The morning sickness has faded away tremendously!! HaLayLoo!!

I was so tired always laying in the bed feeling like I had to throw up but never really throwing up. Week 11 went much faster than I thought it would. It was the week leading up to my first trimester sonogram and I just figured that the days would go by slowly. But that week went by relatively fast. Just like all the weeks before, it seems like this pregnancy is starting to fly by and I'm not really ready for it to do that. I have a feeling that this final pregnancy will be the one that I'm trying to close my legs in the delivery room to prevent the baby from coming out because I'm just not ready.

I had my first trimester screening on Monday the 12th week of my pregnancy. It was very nerve racking up until this day because I knew that this would be one of the few tests that I have that would tell me if there was anything wrong with my baby. I have googled what the image should look like and what the image should not look like and considered myself a pro by this week. I'm happy to report that I did not see what I shouldn't see on the sonogram and that the baby looked relatively healthy from what we could tell.

I did elect to take the harmony testing, which is a blood test that tests for Down syndrome and two other chromosome disorders. This test also gives us the ability to find out the sex of the baby much earlier. The results for those tests take about two weeks. We got a new sonogram picture and I have been trying to study the angle of the dangle all week. I literally cannot wait for those blood test results to come in so I can know the sex of this child. 

And so we wait.......

Pregnancy Links

Week 5

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-5.html

Week 6

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-6.html

Week 7

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-7.html

Week 8 & 9

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/08/week-8-9.html

Week 10

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/08/week-10.html

Week 11 & 12

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/09/week-11-12.html

Week 14

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/12/week-14-results-are-in.html

Week 10

This week I went to Atlanta for a family engagement. It Was very nice seeing a lot of relatives that I hadn't seen in years. I also got to meet a few cousins that I had never met before. As my luck would have it, I was sick the entire trip. I fluctuated between headaches and nausea. I tried to make the best of it, but it was really hard to do. To top everything off, my other cousin who is around my age was pregnant as well. She's a month further along than me, yet my big stomach was determined to prove otherwise. I know this is my fourth child, so my gut is going to be on fleek but I still was sad. Plus she didn't have any kind of morning sickness. That made me more sad. When I wasn't sucking down ginger chews, I was gulping bottles of water.

And then there was the point of the trip, where I felt like that mom from the Duggars. See there were other pregnant women in my family at this trip. These women were only on their first or second child. I had one lady that begin to tell me how it would be like during this pregnancy. I had to interject and explain that this is my fourth child. Whenever people asked me what number child this was, and I said fourth, the look on their face was like I said 10. I think part of the problem was most of these people were a few years younger than me. Plus I had to explain that I started very young and my oldest was 14 years old.
All in all it was a nice trip, and I was glad I got the chance to spend time with my family. I'm simply ready for this morning sickness and these headaches to go away so I can enjoy my pregnancy.

Pregnancy Links

Week 5

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-5.html

Week 6

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-6.html

Week 7

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-7.html

Week 8 & 9

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/08/week-8-9.html

Week 10

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/08/week-10.html

Week 11 & 12

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/09/week-11-12.html

Week 14

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/12/week-14-results-are-in.html

Week 8& 9

"Did your butt grow or is it just me?". My kids are rude. They kept discussing how big my ass has gotten. I can't wait until they have kids.... Payback is a biiiiiitch!!

Anyway, so these last two weeks have been eventful.  Last Friday, I got up to go to the bathroom and all this brown liquid rushed down my leg. It was a lot. I was scared. I yelled down to my husband and told him we should go to the ER. 
It was roughly 2a and hubby was only surging off of 2 hours of sleep.

We drive across the street to southern Maryland hospital and tell the person what's wrong and they tell us to sit and wait.   I overheard another nurse say they were swamped and there would be a 4 hour wait.  One lady had her husband in there with chest pains. He had heart surgery two weeks earlier.  They told this lady she would still have to wait 4 hours.  That conversation got ugly and the registration nurse kept yelling "well if you don't like it, you can go somewhere else!" 
I took that as a clue that I needed to get out of there. I kept envisioning me having a miscarriage in the waiting room and them making me sit in my blood for 4 hours.   That hospital is horrible.

So we left and went 30 miles north to the Hospital I'll be delivering.  (That's how much I hate SMH, I went even deliver there).  That place was packed and I figured I wouldn't be seen for 3-4 hours. I didn't see anymore blood, so I took my chances and just went home. I felt bad for dragging my sleepy husband all over town, but he was a great sport about it.

It felt like such a long weekend. I cramped the whole time. Finally Monday came and I made an  appointment with my OB.  They did a sonogram and we got to see the baby. Dancing!!! Yes this little fetus was having a party in my uterus. 

Best feeling ever. I was relieved to see activity.  

This pregnancy, I never could envision the new baby to be.  I couldn't get excited and I didn't know why. But the thought of losing it, changed everything.  Now I'm so excited and can't wait to meet this little person!!!

Pregnancy Links

Week 5

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-5.html

Week 6

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-6.html

Week 7

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-7.html

Week 8 & 9

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/08/week-8-9.html

Week 10

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/08/week-10.html

Week 11 & 12

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/09/week-11-12.html

Week 14

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/12/week-14-results-are-in.html

Fix Ya Face & Act Like You Got Some Sense!

I want to preface this blog entry by stating that I may not make total sense as you read this.  This post isn't meant to be dissected and examined in an effort to see if I captured the "experience" correctly. I don't use big words.  And I'm going to be about as deep as a puddle.  I'm not that type of writer. LOL. I'm just typing shyt that has been on my mind.  So much so, that it woke me up out my sleep last night.

I've noticed over the last few years that I've changed.  Not spiritually.  And no, I haven't lost any weight (although I need to).  My level of consciousness has changed a bit. When you're bombarded with news about unarmed brothers and sisters being gunned down for no apparent reason but for the color of their skin and the cowardice in an officers heart, it can take a toll on you.

I'm witnessing these countless events taking a toll on a lot of people of color.  Black and brown alike. Every other week a hashtag is created in remembrance of someone who was killed.  And it's scary. This is becoming more apparent as people become more comfortable taping these confrontations.  But the scariest part is that even with video evidence, justice is still not served.  These officers of the law are given a slap on the wrist and allowed to carry on with the rest of their life.  And I'm not saying all officers are corrupt. I'm not saying that at all.  I've got family members that were in law enforcement.  What I am saying is that it takes a special kind of person to be an officer of the law, not some scared shytless formally bullied ass jerk that pops a cap in the first person that makes him remember those lonely days hanging from his draws in a high school gym locker.   And definitely not some Klan member that traded his white sheet for a gun and a badge.  Those are the ones that I am scared of.

And you don't know who they are.  You can't tell until it's too late.  And that scares me!  I find myself trying to make myself NOT look like a threat when I see an officer.  Shyt, I find myself trying to not look like a threat when I pass white people.  Especially, white women.  When I go to stores, I am conscious of not lingering in aisles too long.  Or appearing "suspicious".   Don't look like you're digging for a gun in your purse.  Hands at 10 & 2.  I'm adjusting who I am to make other people feel comfortable. And that makes me so f*cking mad.  But who am I mad at?

I go back and forth between being mad at myself, and then being mad at society for making me adjust so they can feel comfortable.

I grew up in the DC metro area.  While I lived 15 years in Montgomery County, I stayed with family and friends in DC quite often as my mom worked 12 hour shifts as a nurse.  DC was black.  Chocolate City.  Now, the ONLY way you could call DC chocolate city, is if you are referring to white chocolate.  Neighborhoods have completely changed, and the people that grew up there, are being forced out.  The ones that have been able to stay, are constantly being harassed by scared white people calling the police on them.  Not for doing anything illegal, just because they looked "suspicious".  DA FUQ?!?!?!

I don't know. I'm sure at this point, I'm just rambling.  My soul just hurts. I am literally scared for my husband and my kids.  I honestly cannot do anything to protect them.  I pray for their safety.  Constantly.  Growing up I NEVER thought I'd have to pray for their safety from those that were entrusted to protect and serve.  But that could just be my naivety.

My heart is literally shattered by the beautiful souls that have been killed.  That was somebody's BABY!!!  Some mother or fathers child!  And we are being shot down like wild animals.  Well, hmmm it appears that wild animals get a little more respect and sympathy then we do.  #CeciltheLion

So I guess we're just being used as target practice.  Stress relievers. I mean I don't know what else to call it.  People went ape shyt when Michael Vick was aware of the dog fighting in his home, but when we hear of a senseless shooting of an unarmed person we're told to just "move on".

I still don't see how white men aren't perceived with the same fear, as those of color.  I swear on EVERYTHING that I am nervous that when I go to the theater or mall, some white dude is going to come and shoot it up.  No bull.

I've marched, I've signed petitions, I've sent letters.  I'm sure I could do more than rant on Facebook and Twitter....but for now...Meh...this is all I can muster up.

D'ah well.  I'm going to stop now before I make even more enemies.  This isn't a kill the white people essay.  I don't feel that way at all.  I literally love everyone.  I have white friends.   #LOL
I'm just sad, and tired and mad.  And I need a hug.

Take Care!!
Crys

Week 6

Today I went for my first sonogram. Since I am so early in the pregnancy, I had to do the one where they dim the lights, talk softly to you and shove a dildo up your hooha. That's the only way they can clearly see the embryo. 
I had my husband on video chat so he could see the baby to be.  It was funny. It's soooooo small. Looked like when you wet a seed and it sprouts a few days later.  Like that, attached to my uterus wall. 
We also got to hear the heartbeat which was 120 BPM.   Hubby said "sounds like the heart of a runner!"
I lost 3lbs since my last week's Appt. That's great! I've been trying to lose weight since I started working on getting pregnant. My stomach has been bloated the last few weeks. To the point where I took a laxative.
Worst decision ever! Honey! When I tell you that magnesium citrate had me on that toilet all night and the next morning! Plus I had a huge event that next day.  Even after I cleared out, my stomach still liked bloated. I've been trying to be conscious of what I eat, and I've been exercising. I really don't want to get fat during this pregnancy. Really!!!!

Pregnancy Links

Week 5

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-5.html

Week 6

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-6.html

Week 7

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-7.html

Week 8 & 9

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/08/week-8-9.html

Week 10

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/08/week-10.html

Week 11 & 12

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/09/week-11-12.html

Week 14

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/12/week-14-results-are-in.html

That Crazy Naked Lady

Being a parent is a time consuming, hair pulling, eye gouging, warm fuzzy experience.  You have your ups and you have your downs.  There are times you look down and smile at their sleeping faces and there are times you look down and start twitching as your stare at them sleeping. It's a mixed bag!

Would I change being a mama for all the gold in the world?  Nerp!  I love these nose-miners!

I have lost all notions of privacy once I became a mom.  I mean, these kids have the audacity to be offended if I close my bedroom door, but scream in horror when they see me in my birthday suit while I'm getting dressed.

It's really a scene at my house:

Me darting around from my bathroom to my bedroom looking like a thief in the night.
I'm trying to hurry and find some underwear (oh whyyyyy didn't I grab underwear before I went in to take my shower).

Then the inevitable scream of horror from one of my three kids! "OH MY GOSH!!  Mommy put some clothes on!"    The baby is always certain to come up to me and trace the stretchmarks on my body and ask me why my body looks like "this" or "that"....I'm guessing I look like a 3-D road map to her.

So of course, after they scream, then I scream back at them.  Thus becoming that "Crazy Naked Lady".

It's a vicious cycle, and of course people will say "Close the damn door!".   But a closed door almost works like a "Now Open" sign in a store front with my kids.

So for now, I will continue to strut around my room looking like a sad bag of old bread and next time I might twerk if they say something about me being in MY room in MY birthday suit!!

Sometimes I touch myself. ...

A few months ago, while doing my routine breast exam, I felt a pain.  I didn't feel any type of lump, but just a nagging soreness.  It wasn't near my bra line, and I hadn't done any rigorous exercise that would warrant any type of muscle injury.  So what did I do? I ignored it, and figured it would go away on its own.  I complained a bit to my mom and close friends, but that was about it.
About two weeks ago, I had a doctors appointment and explained to her that I wasn't having any pain.  She did a breast exam on me and didn't feel any lumps, BUT told me she had an early birthday present for me....an order to go get a mammogram!!

[insert tire screech, random baby cry, and horror movie scream here]  <--- Yea, my doc got ALL that from me!  (sorry to the other patients in the office)  After my initial shock, I tried to convince my doctor that there was really no need for all that.  I'm a Spring chicken (in my mind).  I'm only 31!! She informed me that she usually has her patients get their first one around 35, and I was just a few years early! [insert sarcastic "yay me"].

So she gave me my orders, we finished talking about Jay Z & Beyonce's new baby, and then I went on my way.  My first move, call my mommy!  But I forgot that my mom has lost about 6-7 close friends to breast cancer, so if I was looking for any type of sympathy or hesitance about me getting the exam, I was barking up the WRONG tree.  She basically said she would stalk me until I made the appointment.
Soooo, since the image of my mom's face popping up in the most inopportune times (during cuddling time w/ hubby, taking a nice hot shower, or driving down the highway) scared the bajeezies outta me, I just manned up and made the appointment.


So, yesterday was my appointment.  I was told that the radiologists on site could read my films that day, and that if they didn't see anything I wouldn't need to get the breast sonogram that the doctor recommended as well.  When I walked into the room with the big machine, I know the tech thought I was crazy.  I kind of just stood there, and stared at the machine.  WTH is that thing!?!  She had me in all types of awkward positions and put all types of stickers on my breasts (no not the kind from Frederick's of Hollywood).  I was then man handled by this machine and it was NOT that bad.  I really thought that I would be screaming for sweet baby Jesus in the manger from the pain.  Was it uncomfortable...Yep! But I didn't die.

After that machine, I was walked to a waiting room.  It was so cute too, nicely decorated, and the TV was turned on to some soap opera. LOL. The tech told me that they were going to do the sonogram.


[insert tire screech, random baby cry, and horror movie scream here] <--- This time in my head.

Did they see something?  Was this for safe measure? Did they forget they were only going to do the sono if they saw something?  From the outside looking in, I looked just as calm and peaceful.  I smiled to the tech and said Ok!.  From the inside I was screaming OH GAWD!!!  with a side of Will Someone Turn This FRIGGIN TV OFF!?!?

Anywho, I went off to get the sono and that is intense because I had to face the wall so she could get a good angle.  Then she would stop on an area, and then type something.  My mind began to race: Was she measuring a mass?  What did she see? Damn this music is soothing..."Sussudiooooo" I love me some Phil Colins....oh yea, what's taking so long!

After jamming to my favorite tunes from the 80s and hearing her type and the machine beep. We were done.  She went to get the radiologist to explain the results.   After he handed me this, all I heard was whomp whomp whomp:



And this time I was screaming "GOD IS GOOD".  And I knew He was the whole time, because what I neglected to tell you earlier in the story was that God was holding my hand the whole time telling me it would all be OK.  He even rolled his eyes at me when I screamed in my head.  LOL!

But I know I am not the only person who has gone through this and won't be the only one going forward.  Ladies, check your boobies please!! Get your "age appropriate screening".  I was blessed in not having any abnormal findings, but there are others that have those other boxes on that form charged.

STEM Today, STEM Tomorrow!

As a mom of 3 girls, I've always been a huge supporter of letting my kids explore a variety of activities and sports that they showed interest in. With the help of our local parks and recreation programs, I was able to register them for these activities at a relatively small price point.  We've done soccer, basketball, tennis, guitar lessons, ballet, hip hop dance, swim, ice skating, karate, and a host of other things.  There was only a small commitment (usually 4-6 weeks) and if they didn't like it we didn't have to sign up for another session.  Some interests gained steam and I signed them up with a local team or organization.  It just works out great for us.  

When my oldest daughter decided that she was interested in engineering, I knew I had a real task on my  hands.  The issue wasn't her interest, that made me really happy.  I just knew that inexpensive STEM camps were harder to find then Naomi Campbell's edges!  Being the most resourceful person this side of the Mason Dixon line, I scoured the internet and online parenting groups in hopes of finding something within budget.   I was able to find a program sponsored by the National Society of Black Engineers, called SEEK.  It was a FREE 3-week program focused on engineering.  As the years have gone by,  I've been able to enroll my kids in several other programs.  I wanted to share a few that I know of today.  I am sure I am missing some, so I hope that you'll share what you know in the comments section.  Low cost or Free is the goal, but I think all STEM opportunities are great opportunities and welcome information on those as well.  

The 9 links below are additional STEM camp/program opportunities.  Good Luck!!

http://www.dc-first.org/programs

http://stem4us.org (This link is for 2014 program, but contains camp contact information to inquire about 2015 programs)

http://www.sciencebuddies.org

http://smysp.stanford.edu/education/summerPrograms.html

http://www.pathwaystoscience.org

http://thegreatadventurelab.com/camps/stem-summer-camps/

http://cty.jhu.edu/imagine/resources/summer_programs/science.html
https://www.training.nih.gov/programs/sip
http://www.cs.umd.edu/compsciconnect/

Snow Daze

Some Simple Math For Ya!

1 Snow Day
+3 Kids
+3 Meals cooked to customer child's requests
+5 Times I attempted to escape from my 5 year old by "going to the bathroom"
+5 Times my attempts were thwarted
+10 Times I started a movie my toddler wanted to watch, only for her to tell me that she didn't want to watch it anymore
+15 episodes of YouTube videos I had to watch that involved some person playing with Disney toys or creating play doh sculptures
+20 requests for juice and snacks
+24 times I remembered that I needed to put the chili in the crockpot, only to really remember at DINNER time....ugh
+131490812349 times I heard the phrase "I'm bored"
+131490812349 times I responded to the "I'm bored" phrase by saying "go clean your room"

Equals
0 bedrooms cleaned
1 exhausted mama
3 kids still staring me in my face
18oz of wine in my travel mug 

Photo Credit:Looking for the Sweet Spot

Now don't get me wrong, it's not always this bad.  When I feel like it, I can go into mommy sergeant mode and get these kids to clean up the whole house, and have all the meals prepared ahead of time.  But when it's gloomy or icky outside, my body just wants to be gloomy right along side of it.  In the summer, I'm all "Let's go biking, shopping, etc", but today, on this snowy day, I just want to be left the hell alone.  I want to scream "Call your grandma and see what they're doing".  I just want to watch Wendy Williams, drink Ginger Tea, and eat spoonfuls of peanut butter.

But as I sit here and watch my youngest eat her 4th piece of toast in my bed while watching her 500th episode of SpongeBob Squarepants, I can't help but just shrug and continue to type on my computer.  In my mind all I hear is "don't turn around and ask me for anything PLEASE"

I know I'll regret this when I want to climb in the bed with Mr. and realize the bed is full of crumbs. So then I'll have to change the sheets and vacuum which is a total mood killer.

I remember when snow days used to be fun.   I need to work on getting back to those days!  What do you do on snowy days?

5 Steps To Weight Loss

After church, I went to the local wing spot to pick some lunch up for my family.  We had wings, fries and hush puppies.  I was scheduled to go to brunch at 1:45p so I called myself not eating a lot.  Well I ended up eating a lot.  I was stuffed!! Then I had to get up 15 mins later and drive to brunch.  I tried to convince myself that I would digest the wings in the 35 mins it took to get to the restaurant.  Wrong!  Didn't work.  I ended up ordering the brunch buffet, since it was restaurant week in DC.  I had never been to this restaurant and I really wanted to enjoy it.  The restaurant was Chima in Tysons Corner.  The food was DELICIOUS!!  Think Fogo De Chao times 10.  Everything was cooked to perfection, the salad bar had tons of fresh selections and the service was impeccable! I had my choice of a variety of beef, chicken, pork and fish plus I indulged in their $6 sangria special!

You were given a coaster size plastic card that you flipped over when you wanted more servings of food (GREEN) or when you wanted them to stop (RED).  There came a point where every time I lifted my fork, there was someone next to me shoving meat down my throat....









....ummm offering me tender meat.....


.....asking if I wanted some more food.  (yall are SOOO nasty)  One point when we declined, the server said "Why?!"  

Sir! I'm FULL!!  I can't move! That's why!  Respect the RED!  Then they had the nerve to offer me dessert! The nerve! I mean... I got it, but anyway.

As I sat there, in a food induced coma, I made a decision to jump start my weight loss journey.  I haven't been happy with my body for a while.  I have ripples and rolls where there weren't any before.  Plus jeans that I know I should be fitting in no longer fit. It's discouraging.  I didn't realize how deep my issue was until I saw how many pair of leggings I have.  They're sooooo comfortable.  But they are my cop out. Next thing you know, I'll be shopping in moomos.

I want to have a nice body again, and honestly, my nice body goes back 14 years when I had my 1st child....so I've got some work to do!  So, I'm calling myself out and going to work on getting my body together.  I will be changing my eating habits and working out.  My husband can be a bit of a drill seargant whenever I mention working out (think Billy Blanks), but I know he will help whip this body back into shape! I'm excited! I'm pumped! I'm scared!

Update Day 1:  I woke up and ate two cold wings and 4 hush puppies!! *slaps forehead*  But I also put a sweet potato in the toaster oven and will eat that for lunch, with plenty of water.  


In order to be accountable, I am going to #myeatstweets!  I'll use the hashtag to highlight what I've eaten that day (good or bad).  Feel free to join me!

Oh and I didn't forget about those 5 steps! I found these helpful hints on a boxing website.

1. Drink Water! Water doesn't just help quench your thirst. All metabolic processes within the body utilize H2O and drinking plenty of it helps your body function optimally. It also helps you feel your best---many of the common daily headaches and fatigues we experience can result from a lack of water intake.

2. Eat Breakfast! Many Americans fail to realize the true value of a morning meal. It not only boosts energy for the long day ahead, but keeps your metabolism regulated. Skipping a meal can put the body into "survival mode" which means that it actually begins storing and saving fat as opposed to burning it.

3. Exercise! There is no easy way around it: successful and sustained weight loss requires a commitment to physical activity. The best way to be loyal to physical activity is to work it into each day. Take a small part of each day to go for a walk, do aerobics, do yoga, or whatever other type of activity you enjoy. Mix it up so that you don't get bored with it. Soon, you will not only get used to it, but you will feel better too!

4. Choose Variety! Don't let popular dieting trends fool you: Carbs are good for you too! In fact, carbohydrates are what your brain run on and are very important for proper body functions. Following a high-protein diet over a long period of time can not only cause headaches, but also places considerable stress on the kidney. The important thing is to eat a variety of foods. This includes fruits, vegetables and even carbs. Just remember to be smart about the types of carbs you eat:: whole wheat instead of white.

5. Eat Slowly! We all get in a hurry from time to time, but it is important to take the time to listen to our bodies. Eating quickly doesn't give our bodies time to tell our brains that we have eaten enough. Consequently, we continue eating and are left filling stuffed and bloated. Eating more slowly allows us to recognize when we actually have eaten enough and stop-it also helps us savour and enjoy the food we do eat.

And I don't have a fitbit, or what ever latest gadget is out there. I don't need it.  It really does nothing to motivate me.  

Getting Back In The Saddle!

It's been almost a year since my last blog post.  I could chalk it up to me being so busy with kids, work and my marriage, but that's not the entire truth.  I've had TONS of thought race through my mind, that I would have loved to jot down but just was too lazy to put pen to paper....errr well fingers to keyboard...what ever...you get the point!

It wasn't until a recent event at the Washington Auto Show in DC, that the fire to begin posting again ignited. I had volunteered to participate in the Chevrolet-SheBuysCars Influencer Day.  My sister-friend from I Choose The Sun, shared the information with me to possibly participate.  A group of about 25 bloggers, all women, all fabulous in their own right, met at the Walter E.Washington Convention Center on January 22nd.  The day was filled with car demos, panel discussions, and networking opportunities.  I'll have a post more about my experience at the event soon!

This time spent with other bloggers really got me riled up and I've been drafting posts since I came home that night.  I think I'd like to focus more on my life as a mom, wife and business owner...Yep business owner.  My husband and I opened a spa last year.  Fountain of You Therapy, LLC.

I'm excited to get starting again, and hope to keep this momentum up.  I have a lot of projects going on in my life that I'd love to share with you all.

*Buy a new car
*Transform our home office into a guest bedroom
*Help my daughter audition for performing arts school
*Lose weight

And many, many more!!