I Was Attacked by a Furggle

Monday I had to take a trip to MS for business travel.  With the recent snowy weather, the airport was packed with people rebooking delayed flights.  My original flight was delayed for 3 hours, but miracously was changed to only having a 30min delay.  My reality was actually a 1hr delay.  I didn't complain.  I boarded my flight, and the trip was uneventful for the most part.  I mean there was the incident with the Delta flight attendants arguing over who was doing more work than the other, leading to one of the attendants storming down the aisle speaking Spanish.  (yes this happened ON THE PLANE in flight).  

When I reached my final destination, I was told that my flight had been rebooked in ATL to leave the next day because they didn't think I was going to make my connecting flight.  Well I proved them wrong and hit the OJ Simpson moves as I raced throught the terminal at Flo Jo speeds.  I made my flight and all was well with the world....or so I thought.  

 

Shortly after take off my nostrils were accosted by the smell of something foul.  I chalked it up to someone's rude take off jitters and excused them, although I was still a bit pissed.  Well those jitters proved to be a full on assault to anyone sitting in the immediate area.  It made the cabin air thick.  I could friggin see green stink smells floating in the air.  My gag reflex kicked in.  It was bad.  I was hurt, I was sick, I was mad.  I need to send a letter to TSA because I am not sure the plane wasn't under some terrorist attack.  This went on for the entire flight, which thankfully was only 45 mins.  

 

So I take the biggest breath of fresh air when I exit the plane.  I was free from the foreign operative sent to destroy my nostril hairs.  I was no longer a POW. (kisses the ground and does the ugly cry)

 

In the car en route to my final destination, my smell sensors were attacked again, there were only 2 people in the car.  And I know for sure I was not the offender.  As I gasped for air, I choked the words "GrOSS!  What is that smell?!!"   He responds, "what smell?"  He swore that the smell that could gag a maggot, was no where to be found.  I told him that maybe it was a skunk outside.

 

*insert side eye*

 

Was he one of them?  Did he have a mission to fill as well.  I just couldn't be sure.  But I sure as damnn well knew there was a smell in the air.  

 

Fast forward to the next morning.  I hurry to the lobby and grab some OJ and hop in the car to head to our meeting site.  In the conference room of just 4 people my stomach began to gurgle.  I wiggled in my seat for a bit to distract the people in the room.  Then there was a huge gurgle that I couldn't mask for the lilfe of me.  I moved a bit, but it was the loooooooooooooongest noise known to man.  It got to the point that it seemed as if it was giving input to the topic of our meeting, so I had grab my stomach and mumble "ooh lord, my stomach!  I must be hungry".   But everyone in the room knew that wasn't a stomach growl. That was a "watch out she's gonna blow!" fart gurgle....Furggle if you will.  

 

I managed to hold my Furggle at bay during the rest of the meeting.  Thoughts raced through my head. I couldn't concentrate.  Had "they" chosen me?  Am I one of "them"?  Chosen to dessimate those around me with my thuderous butt trumpet?  "I REBUKE YOU FART GODS"  I screamed in my head as I struggled to hold it together.  

 

Lunch couldn't come fast enough.  Thankfully my phone charger broker so I had a great excuse to leave the premises solo.  I didn't need any company for what was about to take place.  No witnesses.  I don't care if I had to lie to my coworkers and tell them I had to save a kitten from a tree, rescue baby Jessica from a well, or go back in time real quick....the point would be I require NO COMPANY.

 

As I sashayed to the rental car, my eyes filled with tears.  I climbed into the car and tooted up and down Highway 49.  They weren't boisterous or smelly.  Thank goodness, I can't afford to have the rental reupholstered.  I'm pretty sure I got better gas mileage from what was going on inside.  (teehee, sorry I couldn't resist).

 

I emptied my tank, but as I type this post back at my meeting site, my stomach is furggling again.  I guess I have more  work to do.  I'll keep my composure because I, of course, am a lady.  I just have to get through this meeting and then the drive back to the hotel, where may God have mercy on my soul for the unleashing that will happen then.  

 

What do you do when you have Furggles?  I need some more tricks, because shifting in my seat, coughing and speaking loud aren't working anymore.

 

Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better....Maybe (1st Quarter)

Early Summer 2013

After a rough 3rd grade year, hubby and I explored other options for our daughter to get a better education. We struggled with trying to fit the cost of private school tuition into our budget, then still trying to grapple with the fact that the environment in private schools wasn't as free as we really wanted it to be.  

The ideal schools we were looking for were in neighboring counties.  We simply didn't have access to any of them without relocating.

Mid-Summer 2013

Ok, we're going to take the plunge.  We decided that homeschooling our daughter was going to be our best option.  Easy option?  Hell to the no!  But our best option.  So I scrambled to find the best curriculum.  There were tons out there, but I had to make sure that I found one that would not only work with me, but work well with her.  I know that plain, boring text wouldn't work.  I joined NUMEROUS meet up groups, facebook groups, and Google+ groups to get ideas, support and suggestions.    

I finally settled on an online curriculum that I knew she would enjoy and wouldn't cause me to have to create the work and information from scratch.  

The Logistics

I still work full time, and my husband has a flexible schedule.  Her grandfather is retired as well.  With my flexible telework agreement and my husbands schedule we were able to complete much of the work at home .  We rearranged the office in the house to serve as a classroom of sorts.  This allowed me to work on my laptop while she completed her curriculum.  

I created an email account for her, and signed up with a homeschool planner website, that would send her daily assignments to her email.  We wrote down her log in information for everything.  

Her grandfather insisted on purchasing a laptop for her, so she could do her work if he needed to go to a doctors appointment, and she was with him.  So she wouldn't fall behind.

August 18, 2013

I've never been so nervous in my life!!  I am literally second guessing our decision to homeschool our child. I am scared that I am going to mess her up.  I've let other people's opinion sneak into my head.  Their doubts that this would work. There thoughts that this would make her backslide and fall behind her peers.  I mean, are they right?  I'm not some white stay at home mother from North Dakota with 9 kids.  I mean isn't that the stay at home mother vision you see.  Or the american African-centered mother who breastfeeds their child while they are strapped to them with a cloth, burning essence, braiding hair, and wearing African garb?  It's like my visions of what homeschooling looked like took on some dramatic and twisted shape.  Both were extreme, and not the norm.  But I still thought my reality would be a huge challenge.  Scared right now is an understatement.

August 19, 2013

The first day went really well.  I didn't have too many hiccups.  We started a bit later than I wanted to, but we were able to still finish on time.  I was actually impressed with how well my daughter took to the curriculum and assignments.  She also seems to read MUCH better than I was told she read by her previous teachers.  I saw where she made mistakes, and am researching on ways to help her overcome those small challenges, but I actually think she reads pretty damn good.  It got to the point where she wanted to read the text instead of me.  She asked to read!  I know this is only day 1, but I am truly inspired by her willingness to try this new way of learning, and I think she has more courage in her tiny finger than I have in my whole body.  She's a bad, bad girl!  :-)

August 27, 2013
Well a week has passed and we seem to still be on the right track!  Her quiz scores are still good, and daddy has been very active in teaching the lessons.  I had to bring her to work one day, and a lady on the elevator says "Oh, when do you start school?"  And my litttle munchkin blurted out "I'm Homeschooled!!"  She was beaming as she said it.  I cringed and smiled.  Although, it's not a secret, I just don't feel like trying to explain to anyone at my job of how I can juggle both my full time career and teaching my child. Heck this is why I am sharing this blog with you all AFTER the fact.  :-)  [I decided to share now b/c this blog would be 10000 pages long by the end of the year...LOL]


September 9, 2013
It's actually going good.  My husband's schedule finally shifted, so he is more hands on with this entire process.  I am able to pin point where she has difficulty in a certain subject, and instead of moving on, we stick with it.  We print off worksheets, and assist her until she gets it.  The other day she got a 75% on her history quiz and she was very upset.  But I used this as a great teaching opportunity to show her how to prepare for a test.  We are working on highlighting important text, and using that to study.  I always hated studying, so I feel her angst.

September 11, 2013
Today was an emotional rollercoaster.  It ended with my daughter screaming that she felt like she wasn't smart.  She blurted out something about pretending to understand what "matter" was, when she went over that module in science.  It was a complete meltdown, but it made me sad that she felt she wasn't smart.  For a brief second I questioned our decision to homeschool, and then I realized that she was simply having a moment.  We all have moments.  It got pretty ugly, her outburst, and I had to send her to her room.   When dad came home, he went up and talked to her.  She came down and we talked and it all worked out.  Crisis averted, but it did shed some light on a few issues.  I won't delve into those now, but I see what additional work we need to do.

October 3, 2013
Well, we have learned A LOT over the last month.  I came to the conclusion that I didn't HAVE To follow the curriculum step by step.  I could alter it the way I see fit.  And so I have.  I find that the energy unit in Science is a bit difficult, so I had the luxury of focusing on making sure she understood it.  We spent an additional week learning about energy.  Including doing projects and watching videos.  We are finally finishing up on our Ancient Civilization unit, and will follow up with a trip to the museum (whenever the shutdown ends).  Tonight we will make a traditional Inca dish (which will probably involve quinoa).  She's very excited about preparing the meal.
Next week the syllabus calls for history on the "discovery" of America.  Bleh!  We instead will be working on an African history unit.  I am really excited about the work we will do in that unit, as we explore the continent of Africa!!  I plan on devoting an entire month to the unit and add a bit of more black history throughout the remainder of the year.  AWESOMENESS!!
She's also involved in a few homeschool activities with other students.  One Friday a month, she meets with other homeschooled children at the nature center close to our home.  They spend 2 hours learning different things, and walking around the park in search of plant life, marine life and other things.  She really enjoys it.    She is also part of an online book club.  These children meet twice a month via Google+ video chat, and discuss the book they are reading for the month.  She loves it!! I really wish there was another group activity that I could place her in.  I tried starting a meet up for stay at home mothers in my area, but I kept getting members with kids 3 & 4 years old.  **side eye**
The hunt is on.  LOL!!

Below are some pictures from the year thus far!  I am excited and eager to update you at the end of our semester which will be some time in December.

My darling baby girl!! 

Art: Leave imprints

Art:  Cave Drawings

Science: Visiting the nature center

Language Arts:  Mapping out story writing

Studying for an exam

Daddy teaching a lesson

Science:  Chemical reactions

History: Studying South America (The Incan Empire)

Learning in the Library

Please feel free to comment on what you have read, and if you have any suggestions or questions, I'd love to hear them.  Thanks!!

Understanding My Space on Facebook

Platform - A place, means, or opportunity for public expression of opinion.

Social media has changed the manner in which we receive a lot of our information. There was a time when personal thoughts were only shared between a few people, in person, via written correspondence or over the phone.  When a funny thought crossed your mind, you'd make a mental note to share that with your family the next time you all got together.  

But much like everything else in life, times have changed.  Social media has developed into a beast.  And when I say beast, I don't mean that in a negative way, I just mean that it's seriously had it's way with the way we communicate with each other.  That's not necessarily a bad thing.  There is no rule that says all interaction must remain stagnant in order to preserve the integrity of the content shared.  If that were the case, you'd probably be reading this on a cave wall or stone tablet.  ;-)

I personally prefer to communicate in written form.  This goes all the way back to my childhood.  Instead of talking to my mother in person, I would write a letter.  I had a diary of course, and I wrote notes to my friends in school.  I was taught (read forced) to send written thank you notes, when I received birthday gifts.  Even after a 2 week stint vacation at my grandmothers in Philly every year, I would leave a nice hand written note for my grandmother prior to our departure.  I'd sneak it on her bed right before we jumped in the car to head back home. It's just my preference.   My brother on the other hand preferred verbal communication.  I think he talked (talks) on the phone to friends more than any other guy I've seen before.  But again, that's just his preference.  Neither is good or bad.  

Now we have before us, an altered way of getting our messages across to those we want to.  But instead of a few people to share our messages with, we have an entire audience made up of a few hundred people at minimum.  

I'm generally a quiet person.  I like to observe people.  I'm cautious with what I say to people in person, because while quiet, I also have a very dry sense of humor.  I'm very sarcastic, and not everyone can handle that. It's hard to translate sarcasm over the internet without sounding like a douche bag.  I've learned the hard way, and now try to throw "lol" and smiley faces all over a sarcastic comment so they know I'm not trying to be rude.  But that's draining.  So, for the most part, I've limited commenting on social media sites to those that genuinely know me.  If I friended anyone from church, they'd be trying to drown me in holy water and blessed oil at this point.)

But everyone doesn't have that type of filter.

And this is why I don't have all that many friends and family on most of the social media sites I (am registered on.  Everyone doesn't know me.  Just because I passed you in the hallway 12 years ago, and we exchange our fondness over the new hairstyle some celebrity is now donning, doesn't mean we need to be FB friends.   You see my take is, I liken this all to school.  Particularly the cafeteria.   In my experience, you sat with your group of friends during lunch.  Those are the ones that you had the most communication with.  It's not that you didn't like those that sat at other tables, it's just you didn't have the same bond.  The same likes/dislikes.  They were just your peers.  

You didn't stand in the front of the cafeteria sharing your dirt, jokes, or insecurities.  What would be the point of that?  Fast track to the present, and you've friended these same people that sat at the other tables, and now are sharing everything with them.  On top of all that, you have now found your self annoyed, frustrated or confused by these same people's posts.  

Why?  There are people that will always say what they want to say, regardless of the platform they are given to say it.  Whether it be at the beauty salon among 6 or 7 other individuals, or whether it's online for the world to see.  For the most part,  these people are just being them.  They have no desire to filter what they type, and could care less who sees what they post.  That's absolutely OK.  I have no desire to "friend" people that are reckless with their postings.  It's not that I think they are bad people, it's just not the type of vibe I want dancing up and down my timeline. I can take but so many selfies, long a** hashtags, and "Like if you love Jesus" posts before I have to kick a person to the curb.  It's not personal.

I vowed years ago not to let other people's behavior dictate my reaction.  I always thought these social media platforms were meant for fun, and they continue to be for me.  I am a part of a few FB, GOOGLE+, & twitter groups that allow me to discuss more serious or subject focused topics.  In my school analogy, I think those would be considered extracurricular activities! LOL!!

What are your thoughts about the company you keep on social media websites?

Please view this video, it's HILARIOUS!!

Social Media Ruined My Marriage

Me: I'm sooo sorry. I just...I don't know what happened.

Him:  Geez.  I was really looking forward to that too.

Me:  I mean, one minute it was fine, and then poof!! I don't know.  I'll call someone to fix this mess.

Him: Ok.... make sure you get ranch this time please.

Me:  *hangs head in shame* Will do.  

Ok, well maybe I was being a bit extra with the title of the blog, but my hunny dip is going to start looking outside my house to quench his thirst.  Literally.  See what the issue is yall, is that over the last few days I have burnt many a meal because I left the food to watch TV, check FB, or play candy crush.  As I type this now, I am racking my brain trying to figure out how I am going to replace the burnt sausage links that are now at the bottom of my trash can.  

The other day, I burnt a pot of string beans.  HOW THE FREAK DO YOU BURN STRING BEANS!?!?!?!?  I set the pot on the stove in the morning, and promised that I would turn them down and cover them before I left for church, but in the midst of being preoccupied with getting out the house on time, and checking my cell for missed messages, I did't turn it down.  We came home to a smokey house, and praise God that it wasn't more serious.  The house still smells a bit smokey.  Later that same day, I decided to put hotdogs on the grill.  I walked away to come in to the house, got on my laptop, and forgot.  I ran outside to find the grill spewing huge smoke clouds from the side.  Suffice to say, those had to be thrown away too, and then I had to run to the store to buy some more.  

Last night I burnt chicken wings I was making to watch Monday Night Football.  *sigh* .  I can't take too many more of my families side eye, as I try to explain that we are feasting on Cajun delicacies.  I just wish there was something that you could set the time to cook your meal and it would buzz when it was done.  You know, so you wouldn't forget it.  Sort of like an alarm clock, but for your food.  I don't know, with the current technological advances, my wish seems light years away.  I hope my grand-kids are around to see when this, i'll call it "oven timer", is created.  

note to self, look into copyrighting my idea of said "oven timer"

Well, I'm off to figure out what my family is going to eat for breakfast.

Have a great day!!

~EITB

I Think She's The One....

I've been a mom for about 13 years now.  I have 3 girls.  12, 9, and 3.  I was pretty sure I had the "mom" thing down pact.  I was able to cook food, help with homework and wash laundry at the same damn time. All while standing in 4" stiletto heels.  (the previous sentence may or may not be a complete and total lie).  

My 3rd child started off as such a sweet and lovely young soul.  She wasn't a bad or cranky baby.  Really only cried when she wanted food or diaper change, or when she was sleepy.  

But as she learned to say words such as juice or hungry, I realized that, welp, she may be the one.  Yes THE ONE!  The one that haunts you in your dreams.  You toss and turn hearing "juice" or "hungee" in your sleep.  She's that child that makes you say "That's It! No more kids for me!".  

The relationship my baby girl has developed is borderline stalkerish.  Most parents know the gripe of "I can't even sh*t in peace".  For those that don't have kids, could you imagine?  I mean LITERALLY NOT BEING ABLE TO SH*T IN PEACE!!!  Go ahead and try to recreate this event.  Get comfy on the seat, grab your book and right when you are about to do your business, then have someone set something on fire in your house.  That way there is some sense of urgency.  It's like my daughter has some weird radar.  She literally claws at the door and needs a play by play of what I am doing in the bathroom.  She'll even go as far as saying she has to go too.  As I scream through the locked bathroom door for her to go use one of the other 3 bathrooms in the house, she tries to convince me that ONLY my bathroom would do.

*sigh*

You know how in scary movies the victim can sense someone staring at them, or following them down the dark alley?  Well those footsteps that speed up, as I begin to run are that of my daughter, and she is screaming out "mommy where are you going?"  LOL.

I have gone out at night, and PRAYED that this child is asleep when I walk in the house.  And have tip toed inside, only to be greeted by the sound of a 20lb body sliding down the stairs, eager to jump in my arms and say "mommy, I'm hungry".  LOL! Yea, no mommy i missed you or I love you.  

My husband just says "Oh she just loves you. You're her best friend". To that I say, "meh".  I mean, I know she means no harm, it's just different. My other girls were very independent.  They didn't require to be up my ass 24-7.    But it's OK, I suppose.   I love baby girl to death, and sometimes it's nice to have my little shadow by my side.  And I guarantee there will come a time where the roles will reverse, and I'll be standing at the entry way to her bathroom drilling her with questions about some boy she likes, or something silly like that.  I guess I need to enjoy it and soak it all up while I can.  

Any kiddie stalkers in your life?

~EITB

  

Basic Training

This week and next I am in training for my job.  It's offsite, and two separate courses each week.  The first class is for data analysis and the second class is for contracting.  It never fails how I get so excited about the thought of training.  I search the course catalog as if I was searching for a fancy, new car, or some exotic vacation.  I circle 3, 4, 5 different courses to take.  Then I narrow down my results, and take my requests to my supervisor for approval and to the budget lady to make sure we have funds to cover the training.  I'm set! 

Counting the days that I get to be "out of office" and in a different setting.  I make sure I set my Out of Office reply:  

I am unable to respond to your email at this time.  I'm in training until the 9th of August suckas!  While you guys are rotting at your desk, I'm out learning stuff [sticks tongue out].  If you need immediate assistance, feel free to contact someone else.  If this is an emergency and you really need to reach me....D'ah well. 

The night before my training, my brain taps me on my shoulders, and says YOU BIG DUMMY!!  Well my brain says this because it just realized that I am going to have to be at said training site ON TIME, EVERYDAY (bye bye telework on Tuesday/Friday), and actually pay attention.  Oh my damn is all I can utter, as I walk into the class of 7 people.  I can't get jiggy with this sh*t!!  I need more people so I can fade away in the back ground.  It's going to be obvious if I want to check my phone, go on FB, play Candy Crush.  UGH!!  

So as I face the realization that I need to be a good student and keep my electronics tucked away in my purse until breaks and lunch, I start to check out my surroundings.  I realize I am at the table with all the guys.  The "lady table" is all full.  Honestly, this was a blessing in disguise.  

So day 1, the school gives each class a box of Dunkin Donuts in the morning.  A nice gesture I suppose.  Well everyone is just staring at the closed box like it was the Jumanji box.  They looked scared.  So me being the greedy person that I am, jumped up and grabbed a donut.  Then here goes the "lady table":  "Oh keep those away from me, I worked out for 1.5 hours this morning.  That is just bad stuff right there. I am eating right."  They are ALL cackling about watching their weight and not eating junk.  I just smiled and ate my glazed donut.  Then the guys jump up and grab their donut.  I'd like the record to show that not more than a few hours later, AFTER lunch, these heffas (don't be offended, that's just what I jokingly call people) are snacking on flavored sunflower seeds, jalepeno cheetos, Starbucks and Mt. Dew.  I just shook my head. 

Then you know in every training you have certain types of people.   You know who I'm talking about right?  No?  Ok, let me give you the quick break down.  

"Well-Actually..."

 The "Well-Actually" person is the person that always has to correct the teacher based on their 2 mins in the government.  The teacher says something, and this person says "well actually, in my department we aren't allowed to do that."  They always have something to say, and usually make the class about them, and how they are better than this class, and they do this stuff already.

"It's Just Allergies"

This lady started coughing on day one of the training.  Someone offered her peppermint tea, and she declined.  She said she just has a tickle in her throat.  This woman has been coughing non stop since Monday!! That's not a tickle ma'am!! That's germs!  Yek!!  But there is always a sicky in the group that blames their diseased sneezes and coughs on allergies or throat tickling. 

"Busy Body"

 This is the person that feels that while they enrolled in this course, everything else in life is more important.  The busy body of my class was actually "Well Actually" too.  So while she was schooling us on what they do at her job, she was also checking her email on her laptop, that she set up at a vacant table, checking her blackberry, and sending text messages.  Not to mention that she had to stand up during most of the class because she has a back injury.  Now I am not trying to diminish the fact that she has back problems, but don't look around the room for confirmation that the class sees you getting up and walking around.  Just do what you need to, stop making a scene. 

"Smarty Pants"

 Smarty pants knows everything.  He's usually really quiet, but you know he knows the answers.  I was at the table with smarty pants.  I hope my table mates couldn't tell, but I didn't really validate my answers until I saw his.  I mean I would compare my answers with the other people, but gave them the side eye until I compared with him.  It got to the point where I would ask a question, and not even hear the other two because I was waiting on Smarty Pants to reply.  I know it's wrong, but it's the truth.  He made me feel smart. LOL.

"Tha Joka"

Now what is any type of class without the class clown.  He is always making jokes, and scanning the room to see who's laughing.  He's not always funny, but he gives it his best shot.  I have one in my class, and he sits at my table.  The only reason why he doesn't annoy me is because I know why he keeps joking around.  He's an older gentlemen and not really good at math,  and I can tell he uses "humor" to deflect the fact that he is still on problem 2 when we are on problem 20.  I get it.  So when he starts cracking jokes, someone leans in and starts helping him.  

Of course there are many more characters in the wonderful world of training, but I figured I would just rattle off a few of my top favorite.  I still have a week left of this training.  I am frightfully interested in who the cast will be for next weeks training.  

Pray for me yall!!  LOL!!