Basic Training

This week and next I am in training for my job.  It's offsite, and two separate courses each week.  The first class is for data analysis and the second class is for contracting.  It never fails how I get so excited about the thought of training.  I search the course catalog as if I was searching for a fancy, new car, or some exotic vacation.  I circle 3, 4, 5 different courses to take.  Then I narrow down my results, and take my requests to my supervisor for approval and to the budget lady to make sure we have funds to cover the training.  I'm set! 

Counting the days that I get to be "out of office" and in a different setting.  I make sure I set my Out of Office reply:  

I am unable to respond to your email at this time.  I'm in training until the 9th of August suckas!  While you guys are rotting at your desk, I'm out learning stuff [sticks tongue out].  If you need immediate assistance, feel free to contact someone else.  If this is an emergency and you really need to reach me....D'ah well. 

The night before my training, my brain taps me on my shoulders, and says YOU BIG DUMMY!!  Well my brain says this because it just realized that I am going to have to be at said training site ON TIME, EVERYDAY (bye bye telework on Tuesday/Friday), and actually pay attention.  Oh my damn is all I can utter, as I walk into the class of 7 people.  I can't get jiggy with this sh*t!!  I need more people so I can fade away in the back ground.  It's going to be obvious if I want to check my phone, go on FB, play Candy Crush.  UGH!!  

So as I face the realization that I need to be a good student and keep my electronics tucked away in my purse until breaks and lunch, I start to check out my surroundings.  I realize I am at the table with all the guys.  The "lady table" is all full.  Honestly, this was a blessing in disguise.  

So day 1, the school gives each class a box of Dunkin Donuts in the morning.  A nice gesture I suppose.  Well everyone is just staring at the closed box like it was the Jumanji box.  They looked scared.  So me being the greedy person that I am, jumped up and grabbed a donut.  Then here goes the "lady table":  "Oh keep those away from me, I worked out for 1.5 hours this morning.  That is just bad stuff right there. I am eating right."  They are ALL cackling about watching their weight and not eating junk.  I just smiled and ate my glazed donut.  Then the guys jump up and grab their donut.  I'd like the record to show that not more than a few hours later, AFTER lunch, these heffas (don't be offended, that's just what I jokingly call people) are snacking on flavored sunflower seeds, jalepeno cheetos, Starbucks and Mt. Dew.  I just shook my head. 

Then you know in every training you have certain types of people.   You know who I'm talking about right?  No?  Ok, let me give you the quick break down.  

"Well-Actually..."

 The "Well-Actually" person is the person that always has to correct the teacher based on their 2 mins in the government.  The teacher says something, and this person says "well actually, in my department we aren't allowed to do that."  They always have something to say, and usually make the class about them, and how they are better than this class, and they do this stuff already.

"It's Just Allergies"

This lady started coughing on day one of the training.  Someone offered her peppermint tea, and she declined.  She said she just has a tickle in her throat.  This woman has been coughing non stop since Monday!! That's not a tickle ma'am!! That's germs!  Yek!!  But there is always a sicky in the group that blames their diseased sneezes and coughs on allergies or throat tickling. 

"Busy Body"

 This is the person that feels that while they enrolled in this course, everything else in life is more important.  The busy body of my class was actually "Well Actually" too.  So while she was schooling us on what they do at her job, she was also checking her email on her laptop, that she set up at a vacant table, checking her blackberry, and sending text messages.  Not to mention that she had to stand up during most of the class because she has a back injury.  Now I am not trying to diminish the fact that she has back problems, but don't look around the room for confirmation that the class sees you getting up and walking around.  Just do what you need to, stop making a scene. 

"Smarty Pants"

 Smarty pants knows everything.  He's usually really quiet, but you know he knows the answers.  I was at the table with smarty pants.  I hope my table mates couldn't tell, but I didn't really validate my answers until I saw his.  I mean I would compare my answers with the other people, but gave them the side eye until I compared with him.  It got to the point where I would ask a question, and not even hear the other two because I was waiting on Smarty Pants to reply.  I know it's wrong, but it's the truth.  He made me feel smart. LOL.

"Tha Joka"

Now what is any type of class without the class clown.  He is always making jokes, and scanning the room to see who's laughing.  He's not always funny, but he gives it his best shot.  I have one in my class, and he sits at my table.  The only reason why he doesn't annoy me is because I know why he keeps joking around.  He's an older gentlemen and not really good at math,  and I can tell he uses "humor" to deflect the fact that he is still on problem 2 when we are on problem 20.  I get it.  So when he starts cracking jokes, someone leans in and starts helping him.  

Of course there are many more characters in the wonderful world of training, but I figured I would just rattle off a few of my top favorite.  I still have a week left of this training.  I am frightfully interested in who the cast will be for next weeks training.  

Pray for me yall!!  LOL!!

The Sound of Music

Me: "I think little kids with transition sunglasses look funny when they turn dark.  They look like mini PM Dawn's running around the playground.  I can't quite describe it."
Him:  "PM Dawn?  Who's that?"
Me:  **GASP** "You don't know who PM Dawn is?!?!?"


For as long as I can remember, the soundtrack to my life has always been an important part of my life experiences.  I think at an early age I turned to music as not only an outlet for the issues I was going through, but to also serve as a reference point for those random moments in my life.  A certain song can conjure up memories of playing outside of my apartment complex, swimming at the local pool, or riding in the car with my father.  I think before my father left, a lot of the soundtrack was soft white noise.  I can't pin point actual songs the way I can now,  after he left.  That may sound a bit weird or strange, but stay with me here.  I may have used music as a way to fill the void that I felt in my life.  I mean, I'm not therapist, but I play one on TV. *wink*

I distinctly remember getting my first pair of jellies and biker shorts.  I had the shape of a pine needle when I was younger, but you couldn't tell me anything in my baggy biker shorts and flopping off my feet jellies.  But when I think back to that time in my life, I can hear loud as hell Salt N Peppa's Push It song.  And when I used to spend days at one of my babysitters houses, she would always do my hair.  And she would ask what style I wanted, and I really wanted the asymmetrical cut she had, but I knew that wasn't happening at the tender age of 7..... but I distinctly remember Madonna's Like A Virgin song playing in the background as she did my hair.

I can't hear any song from Little Shop of Horror without thinking of my godsister performing the play in her high school musical production back in the early 90s (or late 80s, I forget).  When I got my first boombox CD player for Christmas in 1992, my mom included the Mary J. Blige What's the 411 CD and Super Cat's Don Dada CD.  By the end of Christmas night, I knew all the words to Grand Puba's part and the rap on Dolly My Baby.  The movie Crooklyn actually makes me want to go back to the 1970s and sit on someone's stoop in Brooklyn (mind you I was born in 1980)!!  I love the music in the movie.   The way the music in that movie evokes emotion in those that view it, is the same way music evokes sentimental feelings in me.

I have even gotten to a point that when I hear a song debuted on the radio, I get upset if it's released in the "wrong" season.  Hear me out.  You know there is a certain beat that you would go crazy with, while your windows are rolled down, and it's nice outside.  Some beats/songs don't get justice in the dead of winter with the volume on low or medium.  And even on high, it sounds like muffled noise.  I liken it to them playing Will Smith's Summertime song in December.

I recently went to a movie premier at the Kennedy Center.  The movie Big Words, directed by Neil Drumming, was sponsored by AaFFRM.  My husband and sisterfriend (Nae)  were with me.  We thoroughly enjoyed this movie.  It was about MUSIC!! I mean, it was about way more than music, but I was able to identify a bit with each of the characters.   My husband who loves to write and perform rap music could identify with always having a rhyme in your head.  Being able to viciously tell a story about his surroundings without blinking an eye.  Pen and pad aren't necessary for him.  I liken my husband to the character MC Wordsmith.  LOL.    I think I can identify with DJ Malik.  Trapped in the past, pissed when someone remakes a song to a beat I danced to back in the 80s.  Like the group who sampled Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper in 2011.  NOOOOOOOOOOO!! That song is a classic. That song makes me think of my childhood.   I get sad when I listen to that song.  And I like that! It also makes me think of the movie Romy and Michele's High School Reunion.  Yes I know that some songs from the 80s contained samples of songs as well, but that's beside the point, and I'm not trying to hear all that right now. 

Don't get me started on the Sister Act 2 or Lion King soundtrack, whew child!!  My kids always stare at me when I rap songs from the 80s and 90s as if I wrote, produced and performed the song myself.  I'm sure car rides will never be the same after I went apeshit when OPP and Self Destruction came on.  Oh yea, and Jingling Baby.

I don't know.  I'm pretty sure at this point I am rambling.  But I know that if I truly tried to write on paper how music takes me to different points in my life, this would be the length of a thesis and not a blog entry you'd like to read.  In my mind my life is literally like a movie.  While some may assign clothing, tv shows, smells to specific moments in history, I see music.  Yes, see.


Where does music stand in your life?  If it's not music, then what does it for you?  Food?  Places?

Check out the trailer for Big Words.  I'm telling you this movie is HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!

Walk It Out!

6:15pm - Hair. Check.  Make Up. Check. Outfit. Check.

6:30pm - Riding down Suitland Parkway, music blasting, ready for dinner and drinks with a friend.

7:00pm - Arrive in front of restaurant.

7:10pm - look for parking

7:15pm - Answer "where are you?!" text from friend

7:30pm - Scream at the DC parking gods for NEVER having any parking ever!

7:35pm - Find parking damn near in MD, 1000 blocks away from my final destination

I parked my car and contemplated on whether or not I was going to keep my heels on and walk the Green Mile, or if I was going to put on my flip flops, knowing GOOD AND WELL I was in desperate need of a pedicure.  It took me all of 2 seconds to decide on my flip flops, and then trekked it to my final destination.  A few feet from the restaurant, I stopped, leaned against the wall and put on my heels.  I had to give this lady the "And What?!" look as I clumsily hopped into my heels.  And then I sashayed into the restaurant.

Fast forward 2 hours.   I sashay out the restaurant, and do the same wobble/hip hop moves to get my swollen feet out my heels and put on my flip flops for the long walk back to the car. 

Oh, what's that Mr. Homeless man?  You want to approach me?  In the dark?  *sigh*  I clutch my heels tight, in case they need to be used as a weapon, and walk faster in my flip flops. He mumbles something, and I give him the look of death.  I think he got my point. 

As I drove around looking for parking, I posed the question in my head:  Just How Far Would You Park for a Friend?

I mean honestly.  When do you say, "lookey here...I can't find parking.  The lots are all packed.  I'm sorry, but I'm going home"  Do you factor in walking buddies?  Type of shoe?  Weather?  Outfit?  Whether or not you even like the person you are coming to see?  

I've calculated that I have walked 87,340 miles from my parked car to my final destination in DC (maybe I am exaggerating.)  over the course of my lifetime.  That's too damn much.  I either need a chauffeur or to park my car in front of the restaurant the night before to make sure I have a decent spot.  And well since none of those options are feasible, I am working on an app.  I need an app that will calculate how far I will park based on certain criteria. Like if it's raining, I'm by myself, I have on 3.5" heels, and I only like you, but don't LIKE YOU like you, well I want the app to tell me 2 blocks max or something like that.  But if it's sunny, i'm with my girls, with some cute flats on and I love you like a sister.....you know maybe the app will tell me 3 blocks & a cab ride.  I don't know. I'm just throwing it out there.  

I mean for me, nothing can ruin a night more than searching 10 years for a parking spot, and find one 80 miles from where you really need to be.  

<--- Me after parking....LOL!

Later....literally!

~EITB