That Crazy Naked Lady

Being a parent is a time consuming, hair pulling, eye gouging, warm fuzzy experience.  You have your ups and you have your downs.  There are times you look down and smile at their sleeping faces and there are times you look down and start twitching as your stare at them sleeping. It's a mixed bag!

Would I change being a mama for all the gold in the world?  Nerp!  I love these nose-miners!

I have lost all notions of privacy once I became a mom.  I mean, these kids have the audacity to be offended if I close my bedroom door, but scream in horror when they see me in my birthday suit while I'm getting dressed.

It's really a scene at my house:

Me darting around from my bathroom to my bedroom looking like a thief in the night.
I'm trying to hurry and find some underwear (oh whyyyyy didn't I grab underwear before I went in to take my shower).

Then the inevitable scream of horror from one of my three kids! "OH MY GOSH!!  Mommy put some clothes on!"    The baby is always certain to come up to me and trace the stretchmarks on my body and ask me why my body looks like "this" or "that"....I'm guessing I look like a 3-D road map to her.

So of course, after they scream, then I scream back at them.  Thus becoming that "Crazy Naked Lady".

It's a vicious cycle, and of course people will say "Close the damn door!".   But a closed door almost works like a "Now Open" sign in a store front with my kids.

So for now, I will continue to strut around my room looking like a sad bag of old bread and next time I might twerk if they say something about me being in MY room in MY birthday suit!!

It's Me, Not You (Follow Up to Notes In C-Minor)

Despite what I feel were my best efforts, this morning I was still in the same place I was last month.  The struggle with the school system to accommodate my daughter in school was annoying.  I had the perfect opportunity to have my daughter tested for ADD but the forms completed by the teacher painted a different picture than our one on one conversations.  According to her reports there was nothing out of the ordinary about my daughter.  She was fine.  This in turn suggested to the people that were considering testing my child for ADD that she was not an optimal candidate.  While they believed she did have some traits, they were not strong enough to warrant testing and inclusion in their study. 

Those words cut deep.  So basically I am at square one.  As tears streamed down my face, I questioned why I felt alone in this struggle, and why I had to prove to people that my child could benefit from a little bit of flexibility and assistance during school.  

I sat in the car, in the drive way of my youngest daughters daycare, and just cried.  I felt defeated and exhausted.  Then I started thinking about other things that made me sad, and I was a mess.  Things that had absolutely NOTHING to do with the current issue began racing through my head. I started making decisions that I wasn't going to do this anymore, and that I wasn't going to do that anymore, and basically people could kiss my butt, because I am tired of helping people with their problems as I struggle through my own.  

But just as quickly as the anger and pain came, it went away.  I started putting things into perspective.  I realized that there was nothing WRONG with my daughter.  She learns differently.  Cool.  Address that! I don't need a diagnosis to get me a piece of paper, to demand a subpar school system, to force their subpar school to make the subpar principal create an EIP or 504 plan for my child.   I've had conversations with teachers about her being off track more times than I care to remember, but just realized that they will NOT put anything in writing.  Maybe it's to protect them, the school or the County. I don't know.  

I just need to know what works for my little girl and go that route.  That includes keeping the focus on school this summer.  She's enrolled in engineering camp this summer. I am hoping that will help her see what's out there for her when she graduates school.  I am also working hard to find an alternative school for her.  I have a feeling we won't be able to enroll her next year because deadlines have passed and we aren't financially ready to send her.  I hate the fact that she will be in a school that is teaching to pass state tests to prove the teachers can teach the state test material, but hey, my hands are tied right now. I have no other options.  I can only plan ahead.  

I've committed myself to stop chasing a diagnosis.  I know what I know.  I'm her mother, and I knew this child was cut from a different cloth the moment she first kicked in the womb, I am satisfied with my diagnosis....Everything about this beautiful child is perfectly RIGHT.  I will encourage her to continue to ask questions, speak her mind and explore the unknown.  It's her world!   And I cannot believe that I was struggling to put society's standards on her, like she was the problem.   She has already taught me a thing or two, and I absolutely adore her for this life lesson!

Crazy, right?

Have you ever had a moment in time where everything seems to be happening at once?  Or you feel extremely happy and completely annoyed at the same damn time?  Gotten to the point where you just wanted to SCREAM?   I think I was there yesterday, and apparently this was an overnight trip, because I still feel like I am there.  

I found out yesterday morning that my application for graduation was approved.  HELLS JEAHHH!  I feel like I have been in college for ever.  It took me 6 years to get my undergraduate degree because of two unplanned (but very much loved and welcomed) pregnancies.  

Then I tried to be billy bad azz and start grad school 2 months after my 2nd child was born.  

  I was sooo amped.  I just knew I would be finished graduate degree in no time.  

Welp.....here we are 8 years later.  Yea, my plans didn't go the way I had hoped.  There were jobs, moves, a marriage and baby #3 that kind of "got in the way".  But I did it!! 

So that was the happy of yesterday.  But then the not so happy happened when the new chick at my job, came to my desk without a "good morning", "hello" or even "aye you" and invaded my personal space to look at my phone set up.  Well the IT guy she brought with her really invaded my space.  It all happened so fast, and I was screaming "what the hell are you doing" to the tech guy while I was explaining how rude the new girl was being.  Her response to not saying hi to me was "Well you looked busy and I didn't want to bother you".  SAY WHAT NOW!?!? 

I gave her the most confused/evil glare I could conjure up and as she flew out of my cubicle, I walked my tail to a coworkers desk.   I KNOW how I can be, and God has been working with me to control my temper.  Cray Cray Crystal would have kirked out on her.  Gone apeshyt, and well I really love my job, and I don't need that reputation.  

I know! I know! You are probably saying "I would have said this" or "I would have done that", but sometimes, things happen so fast that I can't think of quirky or sassy remarks to put her in her place and still save my face.  I'm a work in progress. I am definitely a "damn, I should have said...." kind of person.  But the new girl is now on strike 2, she has one more strike before her and I have to have a civil one on one discussion.  

 

So here I was at a crossroad in my emotions.  LOL! I was happy about the graduation, but at that brief moment I let that rude girl steal my joy and anger me.  I gave her too much power!!  But I eventually remembered a poem I wrote years ago, that always made me happy.  I hope you enjoy it.  I don't showcase my creativity all that often.  Please feel free to leave a comment, and use my poem to inspire others.

Stop Stressing, Acquire Jubilation 

Cause when you worry 

Your face will frown 
And that will bring everybody down 
So don't worry, be happy (now)..... 

Listen to what I say 
In your life expect some trouble 
But when you worry 
You make it double 
Don't worry, be happy...... 
Don't worry don't do it, be happy 

Ok, Ok Ok!!!! So maybe this wasn't so much a poem created by me, but moreso me copying & pasting the words to Bobby McFerrin's hit song "Don't Worry, Be Happy"....but I bet it made you smile!!  It made me smile writing it.  And on that note, I am finally waving my last goodbyes to Angryville.  

Awww shux! Dammit!!! Why didn't you guys have me check my ticket before I boarded this train, it clearly says the next stop is UGGHHHH Town, the city formally known as PMSboro.

Catch you all later, I need to run and stock up on Chocolate & practice my side eye.

EITB