Week 11& 12

The morning sickness has faded away tremendously!! HaLayLoo!!

I was so tired always laying in the bed feeling like I had to throw up but never really throwing up. Week 11 went much faster than I thought it would. It was the week leading up to my first trimester sonogram and I just figured that the days would go by slowly. But that week went by relatively fast. Just like all the weeks before, it seems like this pregnancy is starting to fly by and I'm not really ready for it to do that. I have a feeling that this final pregnancy will be the one that I'm trying to close my legs in the delivery room to prevent the baby from coming out because I'm just not ready.

I had my first trimester screening on Monday the 12th week of my pregnancy. It was very nerve racking up until this day because I knew that this would be one of the few tests that I have that would tell me if there was anything wrong with my baby. I have googled what the image should look like and what the image should not look like and considered myself a pro by this week. I'm happy to report that I did not see what I shouldn't see on the sonogram and that the baby looked relatively healthy from what we could tell.

I did elect to take the harmony testing, which is a blood test that tests for Down syndrome and two other chromosome disorders. This test also gives us the ability to find out the sex of the baby much earlier. The results for those tests take about two weeks. We got a new sonogram picture and I have been trying to study the angle of the dangle all week. I literally cannot wait for those blood test results to come in so I can know the sex of this child. 

And so we wait.......

Pregnancy Links

Week 5

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-5.html

Week 6

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-6.html

Week 7

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-7.html

Week 8 & 9

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/08/week-8-9.html

Week 10

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/08/week-10.html

Week 11 & 12

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/09/week-11-12.html

Week 14

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/12/week-14-results-are-in.html

Week 10

This week I went to Atlanta for a family engagement. It Was very nice seeing a lot of relatives that I hadn't seen in years. I also got to meet a few cousins that I had never met before. As my luck would have it, I was sick the entire trip. I fluctuated between headaches and nausea. I tried to make the best of it, but it was really hard to do. To top everything off, my other cousin who is around my age was pregnant as well. She's a month further along than me, yet my big stomach was determined to prove otherwise. I know this is my fourth child, so my gut is going to be on fleek but I still was sad. Plus she didn't have any kind of morning sickness. That made me more sad. When I wasn't sucking down ginger chews, I was gulping bottles of water.

And then there was the point of the trip, where I felt like that mom from the Duggars. See there were other pregnant women in my family at this trip. These women were only on their first or second child. I had one lady that begin to tell me how it would be like during this pregnancy. I had to interject and explain that this is my fourth child. Whenever people asked me what number child this was, and I said fourth, the look on their face was like I said 10. I think part of the problem was most of these people were a few years younger than me. Plus I had to explain that I started very young and my oldest was 14 years old.
All in all it was a nice trip, and I was glad I got the chance to spend time with my family. I'm simply ready for this morning sickness and these headaches to go away so I can enjoy my pregnancy.

Pregnancy Links

Week 5

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-5.html

Week 6

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-6.html

Week 7

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-7.html

Week 8 & 9

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/08/week-8-9.html

Week 10

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/08/week-10.html

Week 11 & 12

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/09/week-11-12.html

Week 14

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/12/week-14-results-are-in.html

Week 8& 9

"Did your butt grow or is it just me?". My kids are rude. They kept discussing how big my ass has gotten. I can't wait until they have kids.... Payback is a biiiiiitch!!

Anyway, so these last two weeks have been eventful.  Last Friday, I got up to go to the bathroom and all this brown liquid rushed down my leg. It was a lot. I was scared. I yelled down to my husband and told him we should go to the ER. 
It was roughly 2a and hubby was only surging off of 2 hours of sleep.

We drive across the street to southern Maryland hospital and tell the person what's wrong and they tell us to sit and wait.   I overheard another nurse say they were swamped and there would be a 4 hour wait.  One lady had her husband in there with chest pains. He had heart surgery two weeks earlier.  They told this lady she would still have to wait 4 hours.  That conversation got ugly and the registration nurse kept yelling "well if you don't like it, you can go somewhere else!" 
I took that as a clue that I needed to get out of there. I kept envisioning me having a miscarriage in the waiting room and them making me sit in my blood for 4 hours.   That hospital is horrible.

So we left and went 30 miles north to the Hospital I'll be delivering.  (That's how much I hate SMH, I went even deliver there).  That place was packed and I figured I wouldn't be seen for 3-4 hours. I didn't see anymore blood, so I took my chances and just went home. I felt bad for dragging my sleepy husband all over town, but he was a great sport about it.

It felt like such a long weekend. I cramped the whole time. Finally Monday came and I made an  appointment with my OB.  They did a sonogram and we got to see the baby. Dancing!!! Yes this little fetus was having a party in my uterus. 

Best feeling ever. I was relieved to see activity.  

This pregnancy, I never could envision the new baby to be.  I couldn't get excited and I didn't know why. But the thought of losing it, changed everything.  Now I'm so excited and can't wait to meet this little person!!!

Pregnancy Links

Week 5

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-5.html

Week 6

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-6.html

Week 7

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-7.html

Week 8 & 9

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/08/week-8-9.html

Week 10

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/08/week-10.html

Week 11 & 12

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/09/week-11-12.html

Week 14

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/12/week-14-results-are-in.html

Fix Ya Face & Act Like You Got Some Sense!

I want to preface this blog entry by stating that I may not make total sense as you read this.  This post isn't meant to be dissected and examined in an effort to see if I captured the "experience" correctly. I don't use big words.  And I'm going to be about as deep as a puddle.  I'm not that type of writer. LOL. I'm just typing shyt that has been on my mind.  So much so, that it woke me up out my sleep last night.

I've noticed over the last few years that I've changed.  Not spiritually.  And no, I haven't lost any weight (although I need to).  My level of consciousness has changed a bit. When you're bombarded with news about unarmed brothers and sisters being gunned down for no apparent reason but for the color of their skin and the cowardice in an officers heart, it can take a toll on you.

I'm witnessing these countless events taking a toll on a lot of people of color.  Black and brown alike. Every other week a hashtag is created in remembrance of someone who was killed.  And it's scary. This is becoming more apparent as people become more comfortable taping these confrontations.  But the scariest part is that even with video evidence, justice is still not served.  These officers of the law are given a slap on the wrist and allowed to carry on with the rest of their life.  And I'm not saying all officers are corrupt. I'm not saying that at all.  I've got family members that were in law enforcement.  What I am saying is that it takes a special kind of person to be an officer of the law, not some scared shytless formally bullied ass jerk that pops a cap in the first person that makes him remember those lonely days hanging from his draws in a high school gym locker.   And definitely not some Klan member that traded his white sheet for a gun and a badge.  Those are the ones that I am scared of.

And you don't know who they are.  You can't tell until it's too late.  And that scares me!  I find myself trying to make myself NOT look like a threat when I see an officer.  Shyt, I find myself trying to not look like a threat when I pass white people.  Especially, white women.  When I go to stores, I am conscious of not lingering in aisles too long.  Or appearing "suspicious".   Don't look like you're digging for a gun in your purse.  Hands at 10 & 2.  I'm adjusting who I am to make other people feel comfortable. And that makes me so f*cking mad.  But who am I mad at?

I go back and forth between being mad at myself, and then being mad at society for making me adjust so they can feel comfortable.

I grew up in the DC metro area.  While I lived 15 years in Montgomery County, I stayed with family and friends in DC quite often as my mom worked 12 hour shifts as a nurse.  DC was black.  Chocolate City.  Now, the ONLY way you could call DC chocolate city, is if you are referring to white chocolate.  Neighborhoods have completely changed, and the people that grew up there, are being forced out.  The ones that have been able to stay, are constantly being harassed by scared white people calling the police on them.  Not for doing anything illegal, just because they looked "suspicious".  DA FUQ?!?!?!

I don't know. I'm sure at this point, I'm just rambling.  My soul just hurts. I am literally scared for my husband and my kids.  I honestly cannot do anything to protect them.  I pray for their safety.  Constantly.  Growing up I NEVER thought I'd have to pray for their safety from those that were entrusted to protect and serve.  But that could just be my naivety.

My heart is literally shattered by the beautiful souls that have been killed.  That was somebody's BABY!!!  Some mother or fathers child!  And we are being shot down like wild animals.  Well, hmmm it appears that wild animals get a little more respect and sympathy then we do.  #CeciltheLion

So I guess we're just being used as target practice.  Stress relievers. I mean I don't know what else to call it.  People went ape shyt when Michael Vick was aware of the dog fighting in his home, but when we hear of a senseless shooting of an unarmed person we're told to just "move on".

I still don't see how white men aren't perceived with the same fear, as those of color.  I swear on EVERYTHING that I am nervous that when I go to the theater or mall, some white dude is going to come and shoot it up.  No bull.

I've marched, I've signed petitions, I've sent letters.  I'm sure I could do more than rant on Facebook and Twitter....but for now...Meh...this is all I can muster up.

D'ah well.  I'm going to stop now before I make even more enemies.  This isn't a kill the white people essay.  I don't feel that way at all.  I literally love everyone.  I have white friends.   #LOL
I'm just sad, and tired and mad.  And I need a hug.

Take Care!!
Crys

Week 6

Today I went for my first sonogram. Since I am so early in the pregnancy, I had to do the one where they dim the lights, talk softly to you and shove a dildo up your hooha. That's the only way they can clearly see the embryo. 
I had my husband on video chat so he could see the baby to be.  It was funny. It's soooooo small. Looked like when you wet a seed and it sprouts a few days later.  Like that, attached to my uterus wall. 
We also got to hear the heartbeat which was 120 BPM.   Hubby said "sounds like the heart of a runner!"
I lost 3lbs since my last week's Appt. That's great! I've been trying to lose weight since I started working on getting pregnant. My stomach has been bloated the last few weeks. To the point where I took a laxative.
Worst decision ever! Honey! When I tell you that magnesium citrate had me on that toilet all night and the next morning! Plus I had a huge event that next day.  Even after I cleared out, my stomach still liked bloated. I've been trying to be conscious of what I eat, and I've been exercising. I really don't want to get fat during this pregnancy. Really!!!!

Pregnancy Links

Week 5

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-5.html

Week 6

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-6.html

Week 7

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/07/week-7.html

Week 8 & 9

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/08/week-8-9.html

Week 10

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/08/week-10.html

Week 11 & 12

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/09/week-11-12.html

Week 14

http://eyesintheback.blogspot.com/2015/12/week-14-results-are-in.html

That Crazy Naked Lady

Being a parent is a time consuming, hair pulling, eye gouging, warm fuzzy experience.  You have your ups and you have your downs.  There are times you look down and smile at their sleeping faces and there are times you look down and start twitching as your stare at them sleeping. It's a mixed bag!

Would I change being a mama for all the gold in the world?  Nerp!  I love these nose-miners!

I have lost all notions of privacy once I became a mom.  I mean, these kids have the audacity to be offended if I close my bedroom door, but scream in horror when they see me in my birthday suit while I'm getting dressed.

It's really a scene at my house:

Me darting around from my bathroom to my bedroom looking like a thief in the night.
I'm trying to hurry and find some underwear (oh whyyyyy didn't I grab underwear before I went in to take my shower).

Then the inevitable scream of horror from one of my three kids! "OH MY GOSH!!  Mommy put some clothes on!"    The baby is always certain to come up to me and trace the stretchmarks on my body and ask me why my body looks like "this" or "that"....I'm guessing I look like a 3-D road map to her.

So of course, after they scream, then I scream back at them.  Thus becoming that "Crazy Naked Lady".

It's a vicious cycle, and of course people will say "Close the damn door!".   But a closed door almost works like a "Now Open" sign in a store front with my kids.

So for now, I will continue to strut around my room looking like a sad bag of old bread and next time I might twerk if they say something about me being in MY room in MY birthday suit!!

Sometimes I touch myself. ...

A few months ago, while doing my routine breast exam, I felt a pain.  I didn't feel any type of lump, but just a nagging soreness.  It wasn't near my bra line, and I hadn't done any rigorous exercise that would warrant any type of muscle injury.  So what did I do? I ignored it, and figured it would go away on its own.  I complained a bit to my mom and close friends, but that was about it.
About two weeks ago, I had a doctors appointment and explained to her that I wasn't having any pain.  She did a breast exam on me and didn't feel any lumps, BUT told me she had an early birthday present for me....an order to go get a mammogram!!

[insert tire screech, random baby cry, and horror movie scream here]  <--- Yea, my doc got ALL that from me!  (sorry to the other patients in the office)  After my initial shock, I tried to convince my doctor that there was really no need for all that.  I'm a Spring chicken (in my mind).  I'm only 31!! She informed me that she usually has her patients get their first one around 35, and I was just a few years early! [insert sarcastic "yay me"].

So she gave me my orders, we finished talking about Jay Z & Beyonce's new baby, and then I went on my way.  My first move, call my mommy!  But I forgot that my mom has lost about 6-7 close friends to breast cancer, so if I was looking for any type of sympathy or hesitance about me getting the exam, I was barking up the WRONG tree.  She basically said she would stalk me until I made the appointment.
Soooo, since the image of my mom's face popping up in the most inopportune times (during cuddling time w/ hubby, taking a nice hot shower, or driving down the highway) scared the bajeezies outta me, I just manned up and made the appointment.


So, yesterday was my appointment.  I was told that the radiologists on site could read my films that day, and that if they didn't see anything I wouldn't need to get the breast sonogram that the doctor recommended as well.  When I walked into the room with the big machine, I know the tech thought I was crazy.  I kind of just stood there, and stared at the machine.  WTH is that thing!?!  She had me in all types of awkward positions and put all types of stickers on my breasts (no not the kind from Frederick's of Hollywood).  I was then man handled by this machine and it was NOT that bad.  I really thought that I would be screaming for sweet baby Jesus in the manger from the pain.  Was it uncomfortable...Yep! But I didn't die.

After that machine, I was walked to a waiting room.  It was so cute too, nicely decorated, and the TV was turned on to some soap opera. LOL. The tech told me that they were going to do the sonogram.


[insert tire screech, random baby cry, and horror movie scream here] <--- This time in my head.

Did they see something?  Was this for safe measure? Did they forget they were only going to do the sono if they saw something?  From the outside looking in, I looked just as calm and peaceful.  I smiled to the tech and said Ok!.  From the inside I was screaming OH GAWD!!!  with a side of Will Someone Turn This FRIGGIN TV OFF!?!?

Anywho, I went off to get the sono and that is intense because I had to face the wall so she could get a good angle.  Then she would stop on an area, and then type something.  My mind began to race: Was she measuring a mass?  What did she see? Damn this music is soothing..."Sussudiooooo" I love me some Phil Colins....oh yea, what's taking so long!

After jamming to my favorite tunes from the 80s and hearing her type and the machine beep. We were done.  She went to get the radiologist to explain the results.   After he handed me this, all I heard was whomp whomp whomp:



And this time I was screaming "GOD IS GOOD".  And I knew He was the whole time, because what I neglected to tell you earlier in the story was that God was holding my hand the whole time telling me it would all be OK.  He even rolled his eyes at me when I screamed in my head.  LOL!

But I know I am not the only person who has gone through this and won't be the only one going forward.  Ladies, check your boobies please!! Get your "age appropriate screening".  I was blessed in not having any abnormal findings, but there are others that have those other boxes on that form charged.

STEM Today, STEM Tomorrow!

As a mom of 3 girls, I've always been a huge supporter of letting my kids explore a variety of activities and sports that they showed interest in. With the help of our local parks and recreation programs, I was able to register them for these activities at a relatively small price point.  We've done soccer, basketball, tennis, guitar lessons, ballet, hip hop dance, swim, ice skating, karate, and a host of other things.  There was only a small commitment (usually 4-6 weeks) and if they didn't like it we didn't have to sign up for another session.  Some interests gained steam and I signed them up with a local team or organization.  It just works out great for us.  

When my oldest daughter decided that she was interested in engineering, I knew I had a real task on my  hands.  The issue wasn't her interest, that made me really happy.  I just knew that inexpensive STEM camps were harder to find then Naomi Campbell's edges!  Being the most resourceful person this side of the Mason Dixon line, I scoured the internet and online parenting groups in hopes of finding something within budget.   I was able to find a program sponsored by the National Society of Black Engineers, called SEEK.  It was a FREE 3-week program focused on engineering.  As the years have gone by,  I've been able to enroll my kids in several other programs.  I wanted to share a few that I know of today.  I am sure I am missing some, so I hope that you'll share what you know in the comments section.  Low cost or Free is the goal, but I think all STEM opportunities are great opportunities and welcome information on those as well.  

The 9 links below are additional STEM camp/program opportunities.  Good Luck!!

http://www.dc-first.org/programs

http://stem4us.org (This link is for 2014 program, but contains camp contact information to inquire about 2015 programs)

http://www.sciencebuddies.org

http://smysp.stanford.edu/education/summerPrograms.html

http://www.pathwaystoscience.org

http://thegreatadventurelab.com/camps/stem-summer-camps/

http://cty.jhu.edu/imagine/resources/summer_programs/science.html
https://www.training.nih.gov/programs/sip
http://www.cs.umd.edu/compsciconnect/

Snow Daze

Some Simple Math For Ya!

1 Snow Day
+3 Kids
+3 Meals cooked to customer child's requests
+5 Times I attempted to escape from my 5 year old by "going to the bathroom"
+5 Times my attempts were thwarted
+10 Times I started a movie my toddler wanted to watch, only for her to tell me that she didn't want to watch it anymore
+15 episodes of YouTube videos I had to watch that involved some person playing with Disney toys or creating play doh sculptures
+20 requests for juice and snacks
+24 times I remembered that I needed to put the chili in the crockpot, only to really remember at DINNER time....ugh
+131490812349 times I heard the phrase "I'm bored"
+131490812349 times I responded to the "I'm bored" phrase by saying "go clean your room"

Equals
0 bedrooms cleaned
1 exhausted mama
3 kids still staring me in my face
18oz of wine in my travel mug 

Photo Credit:Looking for the Sweet Spot

Now don't get me wrong, it's not always this bad.  When I feel like it, I can go into mommy sergeant mode and get these kids to clean up the whole house, and have all the meals prepared ahead of time.  But when it's gloomy or icky outside, my body just wants to be gloomy right along side of it.  In the summer, I'm all "Let's go biking, shopping, etc", but today, on this snowy day, I just want to be left the hell alone.  I want to scream "Call your grandma and see what they're doing".  I just want to watch Wendy Williams, drink Ginger Tea, and eat spoonfuls of peanut butter.

But as I sit here and watch my youngest eat her 4th piece of toast in my bed while watching her 500th episode of SpongeBob Squarepants, I can't help but just shrug and continue to type on my computer.  In my mind all I hear is "don't turn around and ask me for anything PLEASE"

I know I'll regret this when I want to climb in the bed with Mr. and realize the bed is full of crumbs. So then I'll have to change the sheets and vacuum which is a total mood killer.

I remember when snow days used to be fun.   I need to work on getting back to those days!  What do you do on snowy days?

5 Steps To Weight Loss

After church, I went to the local wing spot to pick some lunch up for my family.  We had wings, fries and hush puppies.  I was scheduled to go to brunch at 1:45p so I called myself not eating a lot.  Well I ended up eating a lot.  I was stuffed!! Then I had to get up 15 mins later and drive to brunch.  I tried to convince myself that I would digest the wings in the 35 mins it took to get to the restaurant.  Wrong!  Didn't work.  I ended up ordering the brunch buffet, since it was restaurant week in DC.  I had never been to this restaurant and I really wanted to enjoy it.  The restaurant was Chima in Tysons Corner.  The food was DELICIOUS!!  Think Fogo De Chao times 10.  Everything was cooked to perfection, the salad bar had tons of fresh selections and the service was impeccable! I had my choice of a variety of beef, chicken, pork and fish plus I indulged in their $6 sangria special!

You were given a coaster size plastic card that you flipped over when you wanted more servings of food (GREEN) or when you wanted them to stop (RED).  There came a point where every time I lifted my fork, there was someone next to me shoving meat down my throat....









....ummm offering me tender meat.....


.....asking if I wanted some more food.  (yall are SOOO nasty)  One point when we declined, the server said "Why?!"  

Sir! I'm FULL!!  I can't move! That's why!  Respect the RED!  Then they had the nerve to offer me dessert! The nerve! I mean... I got it, but anyway.

As I sat there, in a food induced coma, I made a decision to jump start my weight loss journey.  I haven't been happy with my body for a while.  I have ripples and rolls where there weren't any before.  Plus jeans that I know I should be fitting in no longer fit. It's discouraging.  I didn't realize how deep my issue was until I saw how many pair of leggings I have.  They're sooooo comfortable.  But they are my cop out. Next thing you know, I'll be shopping in moomos.

I want to have a nice body again, and honestly, my nice body goes back 14 years when I had my 1st child....so I've got some work to do!  So, I'm calling myself out and going to work on getting my body together.  I will be changing my eating habits and working out.  My husband can be a bit of a drill seargant whenever I mention working out (think Billy Blanks), but I know he will help whip this body back into shape! I'm excited! I'm pumped! I'm scared!

Update Day 1:  I woke up and ate two cold wings and 4 hush puppies!! *slaps forehead*  But I also put a sweet potato in the toaster oven and will eat that for lunch, with plenty of water.  


In order to be accountable, I am going to #myeatstweets!  I'll use the hashtag to highlight what I've eaten that day (good or bad).  Feel free to join me!

Oh and I didn't forget about those 5 steps! I found these helpful hints on a boxing website.

1. Drink Water! Water doesn't just help quench your thirst. All metabolic processes within the body utilize H2O and drinking plenty of it helps your body function optimally. It also helps you feel your best---many of the common daily headaches and fatigues we experience can result from a lack of water intake.

2. Eat Breakfast! Many Americans fail to realize the true value of a morning meal. It not only boosts energy for the long day ahead, but keeps your metabolism regulated. Skipping a meal can put the body into "survival mode" which means that it actually begins storing and saving fat as opposed to burning it.

3. Exercise! There is no easy way around it: successful and sustained weight loss requires a commitment to physical activity. The best way to be loyal to physical activity is to work it into each day. Take a small part of each day to go for a walk, do aerobics, do yoga, or whatever other type of activity you enjoy. Mix it up so that you don't get bored with it. Soon, you will not only get used to it, but you will feel better too!

4. Choose Variety! Don't let popular dieting trends fool you: Carbs are good for you too! In fact, carbohydrates are what your brain run on and are very important for proper body functions. Following a high-protein diet over a long period of time can not only cause headaches, but also places considerable stress on the kidney. The important thing is to eat a variety of foods. This includes fruits, vegetables and even carbs. Just remember to be smart about the types of carbs you eat:: whole wheat instead of white.

5. Eat Slowly! We all get in a hurry from time to time, but it is important to take the time to listen to our bodies. Eating quickly doesn't give our bodies time to tell our brains that we have eaten enough. Consequently, we continue eating and are left filling stuffed and bloated. Eating more slowly allows us to recognize when we actually have eaten enough and stop-it also helps us savour and enjoy the food we do eat.

And I don't have a fitbit, or what ever latest gadget is out there. I don't need it.  It really does nothing to motivate me.  

Getting Back In The Saddle!

It's been almost a year since my last blog post.  I could chalk it up to me being so busy with kids, work and my marriage, but that's not the entire truth.  I've had TONS of thought race through my mind, that I would have loved to jot down but just was too lazy to put pen to paper....errr well fingers to keyboard...what ever...you get the point!

It wasn't until a recent event at the Washington Auto Show in DC, that the fire to begin posting again ignited. I had volunteered to participate in the Chevrolet-SheBuysCars Influencer Day.  My sister-friend from I Choose The Sun, shared the information with me to possibly participate.  A group of about 25 bloggers, all women, all fabulous in their own right, met at the Walter E.Washington Convention Center on January 22nd.  The day was filled with car demos, panel discussions, and networking opportunities.  I'll have a post more about my experience at the event soon!

This time spent with other bloggers really got me riled up and I've been drafting posts since I came home that night.  I think I'd like to focus more on my life as a mom, wife and business owner...Yep business owner.  My husband and I opened a spa last year.  Fountain of You Therapy, LLC.

I'm excited to get starting again, and hope to keep this momentum up.  I have a lot of projects going on in my life that I'd love to share with you all.

*Buy a new car
*Transform our home office into a guest bedroom
*Help my daughter audition for performing arts school
*Lose weight

And many, many more!!

...To Make or Become Different

It's been roughly one month since Courtney's diagnosis.  The first day we were released from the hospital I was terrified I would mess up giving her her insulin shots.  The first week I was scared to go to work and leave her home.  At the end of this first month I can honestly say, I've only been feeling worse about this change to our life.  This change to Courtney's life.

We've been battling blood glucose highs and lows.  I've messed up with recording her numbers.  I've had her in predicaments where her blood sugar was so low she could barely walk.  I've never concentrated so hard on simple meal preparation in my life.  We generally eat well, but with Courtney, every meal counts. No one sits down at the table and eats until Courtney's blood work and insulin regime are done and clear.  I don't want her to feel left out.

I think the hardest part of it all is watching Courtney change.  I can't explain it completely, but we all notice the change.  It's heartbreaking.  And until you watch your own child struggle and come to grips with a child hood illness, I can't say that I've found much comfort in another parent telling me to toughen up.  

I'm tough!  I'm so tough that when she broke down in tears at a restaurant today because her glucose level wasn't stable enough to eat when everyone else was eating, that I held it together.  Yea, I held it together.  God knows that I wanted to cry with her.  I felt the lump in my throat, and avoided eye contact with everyone else at the table, because I didn't want to bust out in tears.  

Today, again, at her first day of tennis lessons, she came out to me with glossy eyes in the middle of the lesson.  When I asked her what happened, she said the teacher singled her out asking why she wasn't hustling like the rest of the kids.  Courtney told the teacher she was scared to exercise too hard, because she didn't want her blood sugar levels to get too low.  She got embarrassed and came outside.  I wanted to melt. I never told her to hold back.  But she's putting restrictions on herself.  She's scared to do things.  That's NOT my Courtney.  This is a changed Courtney.  

I have to get my old Courtney back.  

So as we continue to figure out how to turn her thought process around regarding this disease, I've encouraged Courtney to start a video blog.  Should be interesting!  

We've also been working on creating the support group and 2 fundraising efforts.  The fundraising efforts have been the hardest because it's very hard for me to ask for donations or money.  I've always been the one that gave money, but the support of family and friends has been wonderful.

As soon as I have a few posts of Courtney's video diary, I'll be sure to send the link for you all to view.  And if you are feeling any types of generous, please feel free to donate towards any or both of the funding projects we're working on below. 

Raising Money for her to go to diabetes camp

http://www.gofundme.com/77xgcs

Raising money for our race to cure junior diabetes

http://www2.jdrf.org/goto/CourtneysCandyCrush

Sugar & Spice and Everything Nice.....

My family and I sat in the family room watching After Earth together. It was after church, and there was an eerie feeling in the room.  It almost felt forced that we were all acting "normal".  I know for sure that I was forcing myself to stay engaged, laugh, and act completely normal.

Then my cell phone rang, it was the kids pediatrician.  I darted out of the family room, into the dining room, and explained why I need an emergency call back on a Sunday afternoon.  I'm known for blowing things out of proportion, so as I casually explained the issue, I tried to laugh it off.

"So, is this just something that I can bring her in at your office sometime next week?"

"No, this is serious.  Take her to the emergency right away. I will call ahead and let them know you guys are coming.  She'll probably need to stay a few days."

He said some other things, but I didn't hear them.  I banged on the refrigerator to get my mom and husbands attention and mouthed "We need to go to the ER".  Everyone hopped to it.  No one seemed surprised, or shouted in disbelief.  My husband rubbed his head at the top of the stairwell, I knew that look.  He was scared and upset.  I couldn't go their just yet.  So, I just got her stuff together, called our in laws and we all walked out the door.

Courtney kept asking what was going on, and why did we need to take her to the hospital.  My husband and I just brushed it off and gave her vague answers.  On our way to drop our other two girls, tears trickled down my face.  **MAN UP CRYSTAL**  Okay, okay, I wiped the tears and proceeded to my destination.

My mom followed in her car behind us.  The ride seemed to be soooo long.  I mean, it's a 13 miles short ride to Children's Hospital, but this time it seemed especially long.  It didn't help that when I was no more than 1 mile from the hospital, some lady hit the back of my car.  So of course I had to deal with that, and I swear she must be a praying woman, because God held my tongue.  I knew she must have been texting or something because I noticed her earlier on 395.  I wanted to cuss her out so bad, but I exchanged information and jumped back in the car so we could finish on our way to the hospital.

We got to the ER, and the triage nurse took down our information.  She commended me for "knowing the signs" and calling the pediatrician.  She told us that the doctor had called ahead and they were basically ready to take us back.  I had joked with my father in law earlier that we may get seen right away because it was Super Bowl Sunday, and parents may let their kids bleed to death just so they could avoid the ER and stay home and watch the game.

So they took us back and I swear it seemed like 4 or 5 doctors or nurses came to that room at different points in the evening.  They all said the same thing "well we can't confirm until all the test results come back, but we are 99.99% sure it's.....she's going to have to stay over night so we can monitor her. Then you guys are going to have to take a class tomorrow to learn how to deal with this condition.  Then there will be subsequent clinic visits. And there is a research study funded by the NIH that we'd like to talk to you about."

My mom walked out the room a few times.  Her eyes glassy with tears.  Again, I couldn't go there.  I need to concentrate.  Focus on all this information they are spouting at me.  I need to not be rude to the two individuals that barged into ER room, discussing their research study while the "non official" diagnosis was still ringing in my ear.  **GET OUTTA HERE NOW!!!!**

Eventually we were brought up to our room. Not more than 1 year ago, Courtney's older sister was on the same floor for a week recovering from complications with asthma.   Courtney was impressed!  She was being waited on hand and foot since we entered the hospital. They brought her food, movies, games, books.  I think she thought her hospital room made up for the IV she had in her hand.  She absolutely hated that thing!

Oh wait....I don't think I ever told you guys why we were here in the first place....the doctors confirmed that night that she has Type 1 Diabetes.  No surprise here.

I knew something was wrong a few weeks ago, when we traveled to NYC.  We took the bus up for my oldest daughters 13th birthday.  Courtney drank so much water, juice, soda, everything that weekend.  Then she would subsequently go to the bathroom.  During dinner she went to the bathroom 3 times.  On the way back from NYC, she went to the bathroom 3 times.  I was a bit annoyed.  What in the world is going on!?  I figured it was a UTI, and made it up in my mind to make a doctors appointment that following week.

When I got home that Sunday, I google her symptoms and T1D kept popping up.  I didn't want to claim it, and I never mentioned it to my husband.  I didn't want him thinking I was being ridiculous.  So I kept my suspicions at bay for that whole week, and when my mom came over after church I had her test Courtney's blood sugar level (my mom is a Type 2 Diabetic).  The meter read 451, which led to the call to the pediatrician which lead to me here now.

To say I am overwhelmed is an understatement.  My husband and I had to learn how to inject our baby with needles 4 times a day insulin injections, 5 times a day finger pricks to check blood sugar.  Courtney seems so normal about it.  She was initially shocked at the thought that she would have to get stuck so many times a day, but then it's like she got over it.  I've spoken with her, and told her it was OK to cry and be sad (although I hadn't allowed myself to completely do the same).

Daddy let Courtney give him a shot (of saline) so he could feel the needle.

After 6 hours of training on how to properly take care of Courtney, we went home.  Tired and exhausted.  I fumbled with needles and had to prick Courtney's finger 3 times because I didn't do it right.  She just stared at me and then said, "mommy, no you do it like this".  Ha!!

The next day we had to pick up the prescriptions from the pharmacy.  I'm not going to go into that. Let the picture below marinate.  Ummm, yea.  *sigh*

I went back to work on Thursday where I began to have an anxiety attack as I walked down the hallway.   Everyone was so cordial, and smiling, and I have never faked "being OK" so hard in my life. I didn't want to say hi to anyone.  By the time I reached my desk, I had tears streaming down my face.  I couldn't do this. It was too soon! I had to leave.  I talked to my supervisor, and she completely understood my anxiety and told me to go home.

I felt so much better when I reached her. I don't even need to be next to her once we are in the same house. It just feels good for now to be in control of something so new, so fresh.  I'm going to give myself time to come to grips with this. I'm not going to force it. I know eventually it will be very routine, and that I will be running to someone's happy hour because I need a break.  But for now, I am just going to enjoy her company.

Funny thing, she wrote this song last week (before her diagnosis) and whenever I hear it now I get tears in my eyes.  How did she know I would need to hear this?  I swear I love this girl!!

Do you know anyone with Type 1 diabetes?  We've been searching for kid support groups in our area so she can talk to others.  It's been a dead end.  Most support groups are in VA or Montgomery County.  I'm considering starting my own.

Thanks for listening!!

I Was Attacked by a Furggle

Monday I had to take a trip to MS for business travel.  With the recent snowy weather, the airport was packed with people rebooking delayed flights.  My original flight was delayed for 3 hours, but miracously was changed to only having a 30min delay.  My reality was actually a 1hr delay.  I didn't complain.  I boarded my flight, and the trip was uneventful for the most part.  I mean there was the incident with the Delta flight attendants arguing over who was doing more work than the other, leading to one of the attendants storming down the aisle speaking Spanish.  (yes this happened ON THE PLANE in flight).  

When I reached my final destination, I was told that my flight had been rebooked in ATL to leave the next day because they didn't think I was going to make my connecting flight.  Well I proved them wrong and hit the OJ Simpson moves as I raced throught the terminal at Flo Jo speeds.  I made my flight and all was well with the world....or so I thought.  

 

Shortly after take off my nostrils were accosted by the smell of something foul.  I chalked it up to someone's rude take off jitters and excused them, although I was still a bit pissed.  Well those jitters proved to be a full on assault to anyone sitting in the immediate area.  It made the cabin air thick.  I could friggin see green stink smells floating in the air.  My gag reflex kicked in.  It was bad.  I was hurt, I was sick, I was mad.  I need to send a letter to TSA because I am not sure the plane wasn't under some terrorist attack.  This went on for the entire flight, which thankfully was only 45 mins.  

 

So I take the biggest breath of fresh air when I exit the plane.  I was free from the foreign operative sent to destroy my nostril hairs.  I was no longer a POW. (kisses the ground and does the ugly cry)

 

In the car en route to my final destination, my smell sensors were attacked again, there were only 2 people in the car.  And I know for sure I was not the offender.  As I gasped for air, I choked the words "GrOSS!  What is that smell?!!"   He responds, "what smell?"  He swore that the smell that could gag a maggot, was no where to be found.  I told him that maybe it was a skunk outside.

 

*insert side eye*

 

Was he one of them?  Did he have a mission to fill as well.  I just couldn't be sure.  But I sure as damnn well knew there was a smell in the air.  

 

Fast forward to the next morning.  I hurry to the lobby and grab some OJ and hop in the car to head to our meeting site.  In the conference room of just 4 people my stomach began to gurgle.  I wiggled in my seat for a bit to distract the people in the room.  Then there was a huge gurgle that I couldn't mask for the lilfe of me.  I moved a bit, but it was the loooooooooooooongest noise known to man.  It got to the point that it seemed as if it was giving input to the topic of our meeting, so I had grab my stomach and mumble "ooh lord, my stomach!  I must be hungry".   But everyone in the room knew that wasn't a stomach growl. That was a "watch out she's gonna blow!" fart gurgle....Furggle if you will.  

 

I managed to hold my Furggle at bay during the rest of the meeting.  Thoughts raced through my head. I couldn't concentrate.  Had "they" chosen me?  Am I one of "them"?  Chosen to dessimate those around me with my thuderous butt trumpet?  "I REBUKE YOU FART GODS"  I screamed in my head as I struggled to hold it together.  

 

Lunch couldn't come fast enough.  Thankfully my phone charger broker so I had a great excuse to leave the premises solo.  I didn't need any company for what was about to take place.  No witnesses.  I don't care if I had to lie to my coworkers and tell them I had to save a kitten from a tree, rescue baby Jessica from a well, or go back in time real quick....the point would be I require NO COMPANY.

 

As I sashayed to the rental car, my eyes filled with tears.  I climbed into the car and tooted up and down Highway 49.  They weren't boisterous or smelly.  Thank goodness, I can't afford to have the rental reupholstered.  I'm pretty sure I got better gas mileage from what was going on inside.  (teehee, sorry I couldn't resist).

 

I emptied my tank, but as I type this post back at my meeting site, my stomach is furggling again.  I guess I have more  work to do.  I'll keep my composure because I, of course, am a lady.  I just have to get through this meeting and then the drive back to the hotel, where may God have mercy on my soul for the unleashing that will happen then.  

 

What do you do when you have Furggles?  I need some more tricks, because shifting in my seat, coughing and speaking loud aren't working anymore.

 

Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better....Maybe (1st Quarter)

Early Summer 2013

After a rough 3rd grade year, hubby and I explored other options for our daughter to get a better education. We struggled with trying to fit the cost of private school tuition into our budget, then still trying to grapple with the fact that the environment in private schools wasn't as free as we really wanted it to be.  

The ideal schools we were looking for were in neighboring counties.  We simply didn't have access to any of them without relocating.

Mid-Summer 2013

Ok, we're going to take the plunge.  We decided that homeschooling our daughter was going to be our best option.  Easy option?  Hell to the no!  But our best option.  So I scrambled to find the best curriculum.  There were tons out there, but I had to make sure that I found one that would not only work with me, but work well with her.  I know that plain, boring text wouldn't work.  I joined NUMEROUS meet up groups, facebook groups, and Google+ groups to get ideas, support and suggestions.    

I finally settled on an online curriculum that I knew she would enjoy and wouldn't cause me to have to create the work and information from scratch.  

The Logistics

I still work full time, and my husband has a flexible schedule.  Her grandfather is retired as well.  With my flexible telework agreement and my husbands schedule we were able to complete much of the work at home .  We rearranged the office in the house to serve as a classroom of sorts.  This allowed me to work on my laptop while she completed her curriculum.  

I created an email account for her, and signed up with a homeschool planner website, that would send her daily assignments to her email.  We wrote down her log in information for everything.  

Her grandfather insisted on purchasing a laptop for her, so she could do her work if he needed to go to a doctors appointment, and she was with him.  So she wouldn't fall behind.

August 18, 2013

I've never been so nervous in my life!!  I am literally second guessing our decision to homeschool our child. I am scared that I am going to mess her up.  I've let other people's opinion sneak into my head.  Their doubts that this would work. There thoughts that this would make her backslide and fall behind her peers.  I mean, are they right?  I'm not some white stay at home mother from North Dakota with 9 kids.  I mean isn't that the stay at home mother vision you see.  Or the american African-centered mother who breastfeeds their child while they are strapped to them with a cloth, burning essence, braiding hair, and wearing African garb?  It's like my visions of what homeschooling looked like took on some dramatic and twisted shape.  Both were extreme, and not the norm.  But I still thought my reality would be a huge challenge.  Scared right now is an understatement.

August 19, 2013

The first day went really well.  I didn't have too many hiccups.  We started a bit later than I wanted to, but we were able to still finish on time.  I was actually impressed with how well my daughter took to the curriculum and assignments.  She also seems to read MUCH better than I was told she read by her previous teachers.  I saw where she made mistakes, and am researching on ways to help her overcome those small challenges, but I actually think she reads pretty damn good.  It got to the point where she wanted to read the text instead of me.  She asked to read!  I know this is only day 1, but I am truly inspired by her willingness to try this new way of learning, and I think she has more courage in her tiny finger than I have in my whole body.  She's a bad, bad girl!  :-)

August 27, 2013
Well a week has passed and we seem to still be on the right track!  Her quiz scores are still good, and daddy has been very active in teaching the lessons.  I had to bring her to work one day, and a lady on the elevator says "Oh, when do you start school?"  And my litttle munchkin blurted out "I'm Homeschooled!!"  She was beaming as she said it.  I cringed and smiled.  Although, it's not a secret, I just don't feel like trying to explain to anyone at my job of how I can juggle both my full time career and teaching my child. Heck this is why I am sharing this blog with you all AFTER the fact.  :-)  [I decided to share now b/c this blog would be 10000 pages long by the end of the year...LOL]


September 9, 2013
It's actually going good.  My husband's schedule finally shifted, so he is more hands on with this entire process.  I am able to pin point where she has difficulty in a certain subject, and instead of moving on, we stick with it.  We print off worksheets, and assist her until she gets it.  The other day she got a 75% on her history quiz and she was very upset.  But I used this as a great teaching opportunity to show her how to prepare for a test.  We are working on highlighting important text, and using that to study.  I always hated studying, so I feel her angst.

September 11, 2013
Today was an emotional rollercoaster.  It ended with my daughter screaming that she felt like she wasn't smart.  She blurted out something about pretending to understand what "matter" was, when she went over that module in science.  It was a complete meltdown, but it made me sad that she felt she wasn't smart.  For a brief second I questioned our decision to homeschool, and then I realized that she was simply having a moment.  We all have moments.  It got pretty ugly, her outburst, and I had to send her to her room.   When dad came home, he went up and talked to her.  She came down and we talked and it all worked out.  Crisis averted, but it did shed some light on a few issues.  I won't delve into those now, but I see what additional work we need to do.

October 3, 2013
Well, we have learned A LOT over the last month.  I came to the conclusion that I didn't HAVE To follow the curriculum step by step.  I could alter it the way I see fit.  And so I have.  I find that the energy unit in Science is a bit difficult, so I had the luxury of focusing on making sure she understood it.  We spent an additional week learning about energy.  Including doing projects and watching videos.  We are finally finishing up on our Ancient Civilization unit, and will follow up with a trip to the museum (whenever the shutdown ends).  Tonight we will make a traditional Inca dish (which will probably involve quinoa).  She's very excited about preparing the meal.
Next week the syllabus calls for history on the "discovery" of America.  Bleh!  We instead will be working on an African history unit.  I am really excited about the work we will do in that unit, as we explore the continent of Africa!!  I plan on devoting an entire month to the unit and add a bit of more black history throughout the remainder of the year.  AWESOMENESS!!
She's also involved in a few homeschool activities with other students.  One Friday a month, she meets with other homeschooled children at the nature center close to our home.  They spend 2 hours learning different things, and walking around the park in search of plant life, marine life and other things.  She really enjoys it.    She is also part of an online book club.  These children meet twice a month via Google+ video chat, and discuss the book they are reading for the month.  She loves it!! I really wish there was another group activity that I could place her in.  I tried starting a meet up for stay at home mothers in my area, but I kept getting members with kids 3 & 4 years old.  **side eye**
The hunt is on.  LOL!!

Below are some pictures from the year thus far!  I am excited and eager to update you at the end of our semester which will be some time in December.

My darling baby girl!! 

Art: Leave imprints

Art:  Cave Drawings

Science: Visiting the nature center

Language Arts:  Mapping out story writing

Studying for an exam

Daddy teaching a lesson

Science:  Chemical reactions

History: Studying South America (The Incan Empire)

Learning in the Library

Please feel free to comment on what you have read, and if you have any suggestions or questions, I'd love to hear them.  Thanks!!